Extreme beginner anal tips?

hi everyone! long time no post! life’s caught up with me so just getting back on my feet now :blush:

i’ve thought about this for awhile, and debated whether it was something i wanted to explore, and have decided i do. sooo i am here to ask… any extreme beginner tips for someone wanting to explore anal? i know to take it slow and use lots of lube, but what are some other useful tips? i’m mostly concerned about hygiene and cleaning before doing anything, so any advice on that is greatly appreciated, as well as positions to make it easier or just anything that will make it easier and more enjoyable!


I am a big fan of anal play during sex.
My problem is that my wife absolutely will not let me touch her butt hole.
We love to get into the 69 position and while I am in very close with my tongue, I pull her butt cheeks apart, where I have a good close up view. And have tried many times to get her to let me lube my finger and just (I believe the term is) rim her anus. I think that if she would let her mind let go, that feeling that and my tongue on her clit, she would orgasm very hard.

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Hi @rusticwhore, nice to see you again! Hope your spring is going good.

Yay for anal exploration! You’re off to a good start on taking it slow and using a good amount of lube (FYI, I’m a big fan of Sliquid Sassy for anal play, it’s water based so it’s safe for toys so you don’t have to worry about it and formulated to work great for anal, what me and my partner use!)

As for other tips, I have a few. First off, hygiene and cleaning, it’s really up to each person and what they are comfortable with. Some folks like to douche before. I never do, it’s not a requirement by any means for anal play, just a preference. A good shower before helps just in case any particles or toilet paper (or also a bidet is great for prep too). In reality, expect that at some point a little poop (or more, who knows) will get on a toy. It’s normal. It’s just poop. I keep some baby wipes or tissues nearby just so when I take a toy out, I have somewhere to sit in just in case. Also if you’re worried, especially when first starting, about either that or lube getting on anything, throw a towel down. It’s a simple way to clean up mess. I wouldn’t do anal play personally if I ate a rich or spicy meal that might have my stomach full, but you don’t need to fast or only do anal on an empty stomach. I’ve played around plenty of times after a normal meal and been fine. Also for hygiene and medical safety, def. avoid anal if you have hemorrhoids, let your backdoor just be healed before doing anything.

To start exploring, I highly suggest you get a training set. Mainly because you don’t know until you try what you can take, and if you buy the smallest plug, it might actually be too small (been there done that), so I find the training kits are your best bet! That way if the smallest one is too small, you’ve got more options vs. waiting to buy a new toy. And really they are great ways to ramp up to longer and sometimes wider width. Here are some I like:

  1. Mood Naughty Anal Trainer Set-a classic style, great set of beginner plugs at a cheap price. If you want to have some extra fun, can pop this in and then use a wand vibrator held against the base to give some vibration: Mood Naughty 1 Anal Trainer Set | Spectrum Boutique

  2. Luxe Beginner Plug Set-same three plug format, just a different style and shape. Also super affordable. Just depends what style you’d prefer: https://spectrumboutique.com/luxe-beginner-plug-kit.html

  3. b-vibe anal training and education set-the creme de la creme of anal trainer sets. Yes, it’s pricey BUT hear me out…you get three plugs, but you get variety and one vibrates and the other is weighted vs. most standard sets are just basic plugs. Plus you get an enema if you want to do that before anal play, a lube applicator which if doing solo stuff is super handy, and a really nice educational guide too. If you can swing it, it’s a really great set: https://spectrumboutique.com/b-vibe-anal-training-education-set.html

Also we have some great books on anal as well. If you want to deep dive, highly suggest this one: Anal Pleasure and Health | Spectrum Boutique

And last but not least, just because I always like to remind folks, make sure any toy you are using with anal play has a base (or with beads a loop) so that your toy doesn’t go fully in and you end up in the ER having to get it removed. An expensive and not fun time for anyone, ha.


Oh, forgot positions and tips for making it easier. Duh!

As far as positions go, that can be tricky. Depends on your body type. I usually have only done anal play with a partner, so not much help here. I know a lot of folks like to lay on their side and reach under and around with their leg up to insert easier. I also know some friends that usually use suction cup based dildos and ride on those, but that might be better once you are more used to a specific size. Once a toy is in, if it’s not a vibrating toy, I like to use a wand against the base to give some vibration. Rocking against or grinding against the toy also feels good. Being on your back with your legs in the air, or on all fours with your butt up and ankles spread apart is fun. Both positions seem to relax and open up your anus and are enjoyable.

As for making it easier and more enjoyable, listen to your body! If it feels pain at all, stop. Just stick where you are at and it feels good, you can always work up vs. can’t decrease if you’ve already hurt yourself. If that’s just using the tip of a toy to massage around your anus, than so be it. For length, just go slowly, grinding slowly against a toy and swiveling my hips usually gets my body relaxed and ready to take more.

Also you’re going to feel full (which is part of the fun). It can be a weird feeling at first. And sometimes if you aren’t used to it, and then you start getting stimulated and close to orgasming, it might feel like the toy is going to pop out. That’s normal. It usually won’t, it’s just your muscles contracting and bracing for an orgasm. And if it does pop out if you cum really hard, no biggie! Like I said, I usually like to throw down a towel just in case.


That’s a tough one, @Harvey, so many folks have such hangups about anal play based on so many cultural things. Has she given a reason why she doesn’t want to do anal play at all? I’m curious if it would be a preconceived notion, or if maybe she tried something in the past with herself or someone else and it was a negative experience. That kept me from anal play from a long time, after trying it with someone and not knowing what we were doing and not using lube (ouch).

Just like the clit, it’s got a lot of nerve endings so of course stimulating feels good for many folks. Hope you all can talk it out and see why she’s against it.


Thank you for asking AND responding.

She never gave me a “good” reason.

I put the quotation marks because I believe she has an answer, but won’t tell me for whatever reason.

We have only been married 3 years.

But both were married a lot of years before. I am guessing something happened before that she may be embarrassed to tell me.

Thanks again for responding. You have given me a person (you) to discuss these things with. I have no one else to do that with.


(Real name Dick)

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Beginner tips on eating ass?

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Like you mentioned, lube and patience is key! I also agree that toys, like an anal plug, are good starters before going to anything bigger like a dildo or penis. If I’m masturbating, I also like to use lube and my fingers to penetrate my ass while I stimulate my clitoris. This is an easy way to get used to the sensation while you’re already aroused. As far as positions go, if I’m playing with a dildo or penis, I like to position it so that it rubs the front wall of my anal cavity, as this gets me to a greater climax. You may be different though. If you’re playing with someone else and are still not totally comfortable with anal but want to explore, I always make sure I am the one on top/thrusting so that I can control the depth and speed. Happy exploring!


Of course! That’s what our little slice of the Internet is here for :slight_smile:

It’s tough, we’re so conditioned to feel certain ways and then one experience can so greatly influence how we think for a long time, and it can be so tough to articulate. My partner and I have been together 11 years, and still sometimes things are surprising and illuminating that reverberate from his past and affects us now.

Hope she can get to a place to talk it out with ya. Glad you’re here to share, Dick!

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With eating ass, it’s a personal preference, but I know some folks who will use a barrier, or at least while getting comfortable with it. Honestly? I know folks who just do basic cleanup, no douching or anything, and just go for it. It’s a preference thing.

Generally, start slow, light kisses and then softly prob and lick with your tongue. I think it’s better with a gentle approach, but some people like it a bit rougher.

Honestly, best thing is to start slow and light, then ask your partner what they prefer or want. If someone wants it a bit more rough or biting, they’ll let you know!


Thank you!! This was so helpful! I’m well versed in penis pleasure, but haven’t ever gone down on a femme in any capacity. I’m eager to please, but nervous. So thank you! Now I at least have an idea.


Uh, I don’t know other people’s preferences in anal play, but for me, it’s hard to accept an anal play without a full cleaning, I usually use a fox butt plug with my sexual partner, So cute it is! (Long live the Furry fandom lol


Oh! I just realized we have a new product that Zoe demonstrated on our IG page that can be used for eating ass!

The Lorals oral sex barrier undies are super stretchy (as Zoe demonstrated) and thin and soft, these would be perfect if you are feeling nervous at all and a great intro tool. They’d also be a great intro barrier toy to play with if you’re going down on someone with a vagina and nervous about that too.

They come in two styles if you want to check them out:


Oh hell yeah, Lisa!! Happy birthday to ME! Thanks for linking these :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


Of course! They look super cool, have fun! :slight_smile:

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Thank you everyone for all the tips! Will definitely be working on it, and I’ll update once I’ve tried them out and my experience with it!