Curious but fearful about anal

Hi all, bio female here. I’m hoping for some information about anal to hopefully dispel my fears and anxieties about it. So many people talk about how pleasurable it is, and who doesn’t love pleasure? I’m curious about it but there’s a lot I worry about. I feel silly asking these questions, but if I don’t I’ll never get past them.

Does anal over time loosen you up and affect how good of a seal you have? I feel like sometimes in porn, one of the person’s butt hole seems larger or more “open” while others look more “closed.” So does anal stretch you out? Or am I totally off and this is another “hotdog down a hallway” misconception?

Another anxiety I have is like most people. Poop. How do I know there isn’t any hanging out in there? I am not a regular pooper, and I don’t go every day. I definitely will need to get past my feelings of backdoor play being gross, but it would help if I knew it was going to be as clean as possible.

I have such mixed feelings about exploring, in any way. By myself, with or without toys, with or without a partner. I feel curious, but then I feel anxious and like it’s so “dirty” (not literally - but in a taboo sense). I’m afraid I might not be able to relax or let myself enjoy it if I did try.

Can anyone give me some advice and hopefully dispel some of my fears or other misconceptions a lot of people have?

Hi! There’s no silly questions when it comes to sex. The more you know, the more pleasurable it can be, for both you and your partner.
In my experience, anal hasn’t stretched me out. I have been into anal sex for a while now, and almost always have anal sex with my boyfriend of 2 years when we’re fooling around. It does get easier when he is inserting his penis in me, but it’s like any muscle, you need to prepare it a bit and want yourself to be super relaxed before just jamming anything in there. Foreplay helps a lot, taking things slow, using as much lube as you need! I started using a lube that wouldn’t dry out too quickly, rub some of it on a toy before insertion, on the penis, around your butthole. Increasing your arousal helps to ease up the tension around the butt a lot.
When it comes to poop, you can never completely clean out your intestines, there will always be some flecks here and there, but unless you’re into it, you’re never going to just poop while having anal. Maybe take a warm shower together with your partner, wash yourself completely, (no soap required), maybe up your fiber intake so that when you do go to the toilet, its coming out without any effort, so that there aren’t any poop remnants left behind. But in my experience, I just wash myself properly, make sure I don’t need to go or went earlier in the day, so I know I probably won’t have to go till the next day, there haven’t ever been specks of poop while I’ve had anal, but if it happens it happens! If you’re going for the butthole, it should be expected that some poop might be in there!
Since you’re curious already, start by yourself. I’ve bought a few butt plugs from Spectrum Boutique, a small starter one, and I also bought a thin dildo. I would add lube to that, to my butt, and start off with the wand, some vibrations to get me going, feel fully aroused, and then I would slowly insert the plug or the dildo in, and penetrate that slowly, starting off with only an inch in, and then all the way. All the while with the wand on my clit. It was hard to maneuver at first, but do it however you find it to be comfortable.
I guess the take away should be, relax yourself with deep breathing, playing with yourself first, foreplay, using a lube that won’t dry up on you. I love the Intamo Pleasurables, also bought from Spectrum, and start off slow, with only a little bit inside you, breathe, and just have fun with it. Don’t think toooo much about it, and listen to your body. It’s actually quite a lot of fun. I’ve had some pretty intense orgasms with my boyfriend inside me in my butt while I rub my clit.


Thank you so much for sharing your experience and suggestions! I’ll have to take a look at plugs on Spectrum and see what I may want to purchase down the road. I think I’ll definitely need to play by myself like you suggested first - even that thought makes me feel shy and embarrassed, let alone with my boyfriend yet. I know that’s all mindset blocks that have been put in my head by society but man it’s tough!

I was also thinking as a stepping stone to work my way past the thoughts of it being gross maybe using gloves. Or I think I’ve heard of finger condoms? At least then I could probably relax to start playing more comfortably knowing I wouldn’t be coming into contact with anything. And then removing the barrier as the next step as my comfort levels increase.

Some great resource material!:

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Thanks! I’ll read through them :slight_smile:

They do, but those could slip off easier. I def. would suggest using gloves, we’re sold out currently but one like these are more sleek and full hand so great for this sort of play: Black Dragon Zero Nitrile Gloves | Spectrum Boutique

If you are going to insert your finger inside you at all, I def. would use a barrier. It’s best because it can help protect your body from a sharp fingernail or hangnail, you don’t want to tear or hurt the skin back there!

There are a lot of beginner anal sets Spectrum sells as well, which gives you a few different size options so you can work your way up. And it was already mentioned but def. use lots of lube, and have it on hand if you need more!

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Thank you for the recommendation! I was actually browsing the site today checking out what I may be interested in when I get to that point :slight_smile:

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Hi, I’ve had some experience with anal. There is something you can do to make sure you are pretty clean inside, that I haven’t seen mentioned. You can use an enema or douche(One is supposed to be for your butt; the other your front. I cant keep them straight.) You are pretty much spraying water up your butt, then releasing it to clean out the poo. But it’s reccomend to only do it 1 or 2 times a week. Otherwise you can upset the good bacteria in there. Usually the douche or enema will have instructions telling you how to use it. Or you can google it or ask!


I’ll definitely look into it, thank you!

You’re welcome, I hope that eventually you’ll find it pleasant and not taboo! Good Luck!

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I hear folks use both terms, but enema is usually what I hear the most for butts. That said, I know some folks douche vaginally, but personally not a fan and not really needed, can sometimes even cause issues with your body for some, like Emmers mentioned up above with bacteria.

But using an enema before anal a lot of folks do. Not totally needed, but if you really want to be clean and have anxiety about it, totally an option! It can be tough to figure out or sometimes easier with some help, so just take some time to set aside if you try one!

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Thank you! I will definitely do some research beforehand on proper procedure if I decide to try an enema. I’m sure there’s a lot to know about it!

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Curious too.
I just ordered anal beads for my husband and I.
20 year anniversary coming up so i thought something totally new would be totally fun.
My question is this, does one start with anal beads? Or should i have ordered a butt plug for starting?
Please help. I want to do it right!!!


Hi Pip! Congrats on the 20 years, that is huge!

Anal beads are ok to start with, but there is a bit of a learning curve with them, just slowly slide them in and play around with the feeling of fullness, be gentle on removing them. And as always with anal stuff use a lot of lube!

If you’re just starting out with butt stuff, I would suggest an anal training kit, which usually comes with a few plug sizes to try and work up to, since every body is different on what they feel comfortable with anally. Mood has a really nice and affordable three size plug set that is great for first time use and gradually increasing in size.

If you want something a bit more luxe, b-vibe has a really cool anal training kit! It comes with a regular plug, a vibrating one, and a weighted one, and a lube shooter (which I really like for anal prep) and a manual and douche (although you don’t have to douche for anal, that is a personal preference, I don’t). It’s a bit more pricey, but you get so many options with the three different types of plugs.

If you want just a single plug, I really like the Blush Avant Twilight one. It’s super smooth and soft, and you can slowly insert each notch into a partner, it stays in really well, and I’ve had a partner really enjoy when i apply pressure or even use a wand against the base. Just a really solid smaller plug!

I am a big fan and have had many year’s experience with anal sex and I really hope you can get past your fears. Enema’s can be sensual too. There are vibrating anal douches with nubbies on the insertable part and rubbing your clit while holding the fluid in can make you cum as well

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Hope you pushed past those fears because anal is AMAZING! Biggest suggestion when u start out: Lube! That you like. Lots of it. And go slow. communicate with your partner- tell them if you like what they’re doing or not. Slower/faster- be honest- if it’s not comfortable or painful (not in a good way) speak up. But keep trying if it’s something you really want- I’ve had my BEST MULTIPLE ORGAMS from anal. Your butt “seal” won’t loosen up permanently- the next day maybe but it tightens back up. At least mine hasn’t and I’m a huge butt slut! Last tip- something that is really great to warm up your butt: analingus- nice wet tongue opens ya right up. :slight_smile: have fun


Thanks for your thoughts! Some slow progress has been made since posting. My partner has been wonderful and has been steady and gentle taking baby steps with me. Not quite a full length, but we’ve worked up to an inserted finger. I can say that it has been enjoyable and extra arousing. I think I’ll be ordering a small plug soon to have on hand for when I feel ready for it!

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That’s awesome to hear, @a_rose, congrats! Slow and steady wins the race :slight_smile: