So for some reason sex has always been an emotional topic for me. Maybe cause it’s 2:40am (AKA sad hours) while writing this but… sex has always been a hard topic for me. Maybe cause I’m a Virgin or maybe cause I’m autistic so I’m supposed to be more sensitive. But sex has always sunken my heart when thinking or talking about it. Like I’m worried I won’t ever find a partner. I’m worried that my praise kink comes off as selfish. I mean almost all of the audio porn I listen to is all encouragement. And everyone I’ve ever talked to about sex has said the same two things. “Your never having sex cause your too jumpy or sensitive” usually said as a joke. Or “whenever you have sex your gonna cry the whole time.” It almost feels like sex is this abusive relationship. Sure it feels great and relaxes me… but it also terrifies me and makes cry a lot. I’m sorry if this is way too heavy for a community about sex positivity. Like I said it’s just probably late and I’m emotionally rambling. Maybe it’s something, maybe it’s nothing, maybe it’s a cry for help, maybe I’m just a tried attention whore. Who knows. All I know is that’s 2:50am and I’m emotional.
Change of subject… views on overly sexy armor in video games?
I promise there are people out there for you! And there are definitely also people who will love your kinks! No matter what anyone says, you are capable of making meaningful and healthy relationships, including sexual ones. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot emotionally when it comes to sex. Have you considered whether this is something you may find beneficial to work on with a therapist? There are sex positive and kink aware therapists out there!
For some people sex is a very sensitive topic. I mean, it can be nerve wracking, your stripping down and showing another person everything! I used to feel the exact same, in my first relationship the guy I was with didn’t see sex as something as special as I thought it was. Some people just have different views. I still see sex as an emotional and beautiful thing and so does my partner
Thanks. It means a lot to hear that. I actually do go to therapy. I am hesitant to bring up this kind of stuff since we’ve working on more general social relationships. But I’ll definitely bring it up next season!
Thanks for that. I admit it is kinda scary with what sex means. All the feelings and sensations, the idea of showing everything (since I do have slight body positivity problems) and the idea of being so vulnerable. Hopefully I’ll build more courage for it.
There is no shame in being too emotional when it comes to sex. Sometimes, people spontaneously cry during intercourse, not because of anything they can control, but the flood of hormones is causing them to feel that way. As long as you let your future partners know about your kink and if they really like you, then they’ll stay. I believe that people have many loves in their lifetimes.
Did I answer that well enough or did you need more information and affirmation? Let me know!
@Jason depending on where you live there is bound to be a kink scene. Kink community is the most accepting and inclusive community you will find. For every kink there is a community. It takes some searching but they are out there and you can find them. Do you live in a highly populated area?
Not really. Plus I just moved house about a year ago. Also I’m not really sure how to find this kink community. It doesn’t help that I’m very single so I’m not even sure where to start looking.
Hey Jason,
I think your apprehension is understandable. Its daunting and many new things tend to make me (& others) super nervous. I think if you are completely honest and open with whom ever comes into your life (its likely this will happen) you will be very satisfied with how freeing that feels. As for the idea that sex sounds like an abusive relationship, I believe its a persons intention for the relationship that causes the abuse. Try to be careful not to put self value/worth on your ability or choice to have sex.
As for the kinks, I agree, there is a community for everyone! You’re fine!
I once had a lover who had a hard time (Each time) building trust to allow me to be close/naked with her. We began each of our intimate dates sitting on the floor across from each other and silently stared into each others eyes. Sometimes just doing this would make us cry! Only then would she skooch closer and eventually ( but not always) we would touch and make love. It was slow paced but we communicated the entire time and I thought it was very romantic.
In short, its okay to be specific and everyone is beautiful! Thanks for sharing.
Are you in a major city or near one? There are a lot of kink groups and play parties that do happy hours to meet folks before they attend events. Even just some light googling for that if it’s something you’re interested in can help find the community. Before I was with my partner and he was single, he went to a few lunch meetings for a group before attending a play party, was a great way to meet likeminded folks and was very no pressure and accepting.
I know you mentioned it above, but would def. talk to your therapist about this. Not totally the same, but I’ve been doing a lot of body work with my therapist (recovering eating disorder and body dysmorphia), and after diving more in depth to my relationship with my body and sex with myself and with partners, it took the work we’re doing even deeper and more meaningful. Which has lead to me being a lot more present in my body and mind during sex.
But echoing what others have said. Sex is incredible but also terrifying for a lot of folks, you aren’t alone in feeling emotional with it all. You’ll find someone that listens and is willing to explore with you and will be a safe person to be vulnerable with, it took me a long time to find that person but when I did it radically changed my sex life and my general life in such a positive way.
My closest major city is like a 30-40 minute drive. Although I wouldn’t even know where to start looking. Also I probably wouldn’t even know what to do at these kinds of parties. Although my therapist is trying to get me into more of a social place since I don’t have much experience. So maybe this could help.
So I looked into it and it both sounds a little scary but also it’s exactly a fantasy I’ve had. Reading about these things it sounds like something out of a Fifty Shades of Gray novel. The fact that your encouraged you just enjoy yourself and not pressured into the activities is really appealing. Not gonna lie, the idea of seeing everyone so turned on enjoying themselves, and a dom (any gender works really) walks up to me and asks if I wanna go sit down and just touch while they fuel my praise kink and we just enjoy ourselves both excites me incredibly and is a little nerve wrecking. I might be more then my pure virgin heart can take. I’ve never even kissed anyone so I’d probably be to flustered to talk lol. But maybe when this whole stay in thing gets better I’ll have to think about it.
Additionally, there are a lot of things going on in the body during sex. Hormones are being released and it can be just a dump of hormones at once! Causing many feelings at once; one can be elated that the prolactin hormone overpowers the dopamine and serotonin. THE HUMAN BODY IS BOTH WEIRD AND BEAUTIFUL. AHHHH I’M NERDING OUT!!!
Yeah, I’ve read that when a lot of people lose their virginity or start having sex that they are more likely to cry. Maybe cause you’ve hit a high and want it back. I just hope that if I do cry when a guy first plows into me, I hope it’s a very Disney style cry. You know small tears and fluttering lashes accompanied by the occasional moan. And not my ugly ass crying that’s loud and messy
I wish it wasn’t as bad