Wanting to Explore Casual Sex

Hello, beautiful souls! I haven’t posted in a hot minute but I have been going through a lot of changes and transitions in my life as of late. My boyfriend and I broke up on the day of our 4 month anniversary in June, which was difficult for me but I have allowed myself to feel the pain and I have since healed, not to mention I have gained a wonderful friendship since then :heart: as some of you may know, I have experienced sexual trauma in my past but I can confidently say that my relationship has allowed me to feel comfortable and confident in my sexuality indefinitely, which is why I hold that relationship dear to my heart despite the way it ended. Ever since the breakup, I have been feeling such intense desires to be sexually active again, not as an escape from the relationship but as a way to express my comfortabilty with my sexuality. I just feel like I have been flourishing sexually and have honestly been very very horny :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::yum: I am curious if any of you lovely people have tips on casual dating/recreational sex (safely, of course) that you would like to share with me! Thank you :blush: blessed be


Also I just wanted to mention that I am not necessarily open to the idea of dating websites at this point in time. I would rather engage in sexual activities with people that I have prior connections with but am also open to suggestions about how to deal with potential rejection. Again, thank you so much and I love you all :heart:


I’m unsure if I will be of much help, but I’m sorry for your breakup! I’m really happy that you were able to feel more confident in your sexuality so congrats to you on that! :relaxed:

One thing that I wanted to specifically state is to be careful with getting caught with emotions on either side of the casual hookups! I have had a couple experiences and eventually I learned it wasn’t what I wanted because by the end of it I developed feelings for them, but more or less it was because I craved having that special someone and instead I expected those people to magically feel how I felt. Unrealistic, I know lol.
But I think clear communication is important, stating that things will only be casual and possibly sharing limits if there are any whether that’s emotionally and/or physically.

I think a great way to see it is that you’re very much in love with you (self-love which is the most powerful feeling to feel :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: ) and so you’re going into these casual experiences with loving and being comfortable with yourself so all possible feelings are just you expressing the amazingness of yourself! It’s probably a difficult mindset to get into but it’s worth a try, unless you’re open to things leading to something more then everything I stated about possibly catching feelings goes out the window! lol

I wish you luck though! You deserve all great things so never forget that :smiley:


Thank you so much! I deeply appreciate your words of kindness :sparkles:


Lucid! So great to hear from you. Relationships ending are always tough, but it sounds like you used it to gain some knowledge and introspection and learn from it, and that’s the best we can ask for in life.

As far as casual dating and NSA safe sex goes, I’m not sure I’m much help if you are looking for folks that you already have a prior connection with. The only experience I’ve had is connecting with my local kink community in the past. A lot of communities have social gatherings that you can (and generally must) attend before you can be more active in the sexual side of their social things, and that has been my easiest way of finding consenting, safe folks to have fun with.

That said, if I was wanting something a bit more casual with people I know, I’d hit up my more sex positive friends for guidance or introductions. My first thought if I was in your situation is talking to my poly friend R. Not that poly people are specifically looking for casual partners or anything, just I would feel more comfortable talking to someone I know who isn’t looking or in the traditional relationship that our society thinks of. And I would hope they might know some likeminded folks they could introduce me to who feel the same. I tend to find people who aren’t subscribing to the whole date/marry trajectory know similar folks and are a great resource to talk to not only about my own experiences but also for finding community and potential partners (or even friends) that feel the way I do.

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Thank you! I’ve talked to a friend about this and she suggested that even if I were to decide to use dating apps or some other medium for casual dating/sex, that hanging out and getting to know each other before hand is a must. It helps lessen the anxiety of just going to see a random person and try to have sex with them, which could be very dangerous. I would love to be a part of a kink community but I don’t know how accessible that would be living in Missouri :joy: Thank you so much, Lisa! :heart:

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Totally helps with the anxiety, I def. have to known someone at least a little bit too, and it for sure makes it safer. As far as a kink community goes, you’d be surprised where you can find them! Not sure where you are in MO, but I’m sure there might be some options in major cities if you can get to them. It does suck though there are barriers to access, for sure a major perk of living in a bigger city that I have.

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