Untraining The Way I Masturbate

I’ve been masturbating the same way for as long as I can remember, its one type of way and just straight clit action. I come very fast and I rely heavily on porn. I’ve ordered sex toys but nothing works except for a tiny vibrator. I would love to be able to come without porn and in different ways but I’ve been doing it a certain way for so long. I’ve never had sex with someone and I want to become more intamate with myself.

  • 16 Year Old Gender Fluid Person With A Vulva

Hi Emma!

I’m also a teenager who recently changed the way I masturbate. I had stuck to humping for a lot of the time and now I use my vibrator on my vulva while on my back or from behind. I can really relate to how hard it is to change the patterns that you have developed for so long.

I think one thing that really helped me was thinking about pleasure as a pleasure threshold, just like a pain threshold. What I mean is that sometimes your mind can shut off or decide where the pleasure ends. With time though, I’ve been able to breathe through the initial sensation that is saying okay this is enough. Of course, if trauma response or pain comes up then stop immediately, but if it is just your mind telling you where your pleasure ends you can push that further and test the boundaries of you sensations.

Be patient because you really are retraining your pleasure response. Stick with it try out new things, but don’t give up.

I think that also touching your self without the goal of orgasming can be really great when trying out new masturbation techniques, both on your vulva and the whole body. Self massage or using exfoliant in shower/bath or maybe lotion.
I hope this helps! Wishing you the best


Totally echoing what Soph said, touching yourself and exploring your body, whether it be just feeling parts of your body that you don’t often touch (like the back of your knees or legs) or touching yourself sexually, is a great way to ease your body into getting more comfortable with different sensations overall. I have a lot of issues with disassociating from my body in general because of an eating disorder I had when younger, and just putting lotion on my legs helped me get in touch with a part of my body I wasn’t aware I was actively avoiding. And the more I got in touch with all of my body, it did reflect positively when I was intimate with myself.

And a big part of sex with others (and ourselves) is the reality that you and other partners don’t always orgasm and you don’t always have to either! Sex doesn’t have to be an end goal of orgasm, not that you think it might be, but I feel like in general we put pressure on our bodies to climax and that pressure just makes it harder to do so, and harder to change the way we orgasm because we might get used to doing one thing to get the result of an orgasm. Our bodies aren’t machines that we can just switch to a new setting, we have to ease in and retrain ourselves not to default to the same thing if we’re trying to do something with our bodies differently. So it takes time.


this helps so much, thank you :slight_smile:


thank you so much :heart:

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Why? If it works. Please don’t have guilt, you are doing nothing bad. Just stay safe…

I don’t think it is about guilt, I believe it is more about expanding your options and horizons, without having to depend so much on porn or the only way you have been masturbating your whole life.