Hi! I’m new to the forum but absolutely love it already. I’ve read a lot of helpful things and reading everyone’s experiences has made me realize we’re all so different and helpful! So I feel comfortable enough to ask for some advice. I recently bought a couple toys to try. I’m only 20 and I’ve never had a toy before. I’m not very comfortable with my body though. I don’t like to look at myself in a sexual way. I even avoid looking down there or exploring. It might be caused from past trauma when I was a child. I do masturbate with my fingers sometimes and it’s only when I’m in the moment which is rare. But I’m struggling with penetration. I can do it fine but feeling pleasure is non existent. I’ve tried multiple techniques but nothing works. It doesn’t feel good at all. Sometimes it hurts and it feels uncomfortable. Most of the time though it feels like nothing. So I thought getting some toys can help me to explore myself and get more comfortable in my body. I’m afraid that the sex toys I bought aren’t going to work. I bought 2 vibrators, a silicone dildo and lube of course. If I don’t get any sensation with it then I would have wasted a lot of money:( and help of suggestions would be great!
Hello XOX and welcome to the forum! I can definitely relate to the conflict when it comes to penetration. As someone that has experienced sexual trauma in my past, I have also been open on this forum about my deep struggles when it comes to penetration. What has helped me a great deal is coming to terms with the fact that my body just isn’t ready for it yet and that is completely okay! Masturbation and pleasure doesn’t have to be any specific thing; all that matters is you do what is healthy and pleasurable FOR YOU! Your body is not going to be like anyone else’s so it is important to explore your likes and dislikes when it comes to pleasure. And if you discover that penetration just doesn’t do it for you, know that there is nothing wrong with you and you are not alone. I have actually used a dildo externally by rubbing it against my genitalia with some lube and it has actually brought a great amount of pleasure! Also, if the dildo has a flared base it is more than likely anal safe so why not experiment with some anal play? There are so many endless options to explore that you will realize penetration isn’t the end-all-be-all to pleasure! I hope this has shed some light on your situation 
Thank you so much for the advice! I’ve always struggled with accepting myself and my body. I think penetration might not be my thing. I try a lot when i do masturbate and I’m almost torturing myself because i want it to feel good. That’s how it is with sex. I’ve only done it with one person for three years. I’m not comfortable during sex either. It feels good but it’s also uncomfortable. And i need to accept it’s not pleasurable to me. I’ve noticed a lot of people on the forum like a wide variety of things and it’s so comforting! Thank you for being open too🖤
XOX please take it slow. And try to relax the best you can. If you are tense, you definitely will not achieve your goal. I assume that would be an orgasm. You didn’t say what the traumatic experience was. I hope it wasn’t anything that hurt you physically.
Anyway, take it slowly and relax.
If it is an orgasm you are after, more likely it is, and if you have never had one before, you will be EXTREMELY full of pleasure is the best way I can put it.
Working on body acceptance (and honor and tending to parts of my body I actively ignore or don’t engage with) has been super helpful in feeling things more deeply when it comes to sex. That said, while I enjoy penetrative sex alright, I def. never orgasm from it. Just doesn’t do much for me. And like you said, penetration might not be your thing! At least not for now. That could change, bodies adapt and change. But when I masturbate I don’t even bother with penetration most of the time, I am strictly a clit stimulation person. Whatever works and feels good!
Being comfortable, and also being able to feel loved and supported in the awkward and sometimes uncomfortable moments that happen during sex, was really helpful to me too. Sex shouldn’t feel uncomfortable. If it is, def. think about changing up what you’re doing, whether that be a position or type of play, and def. talk to your partner about it too. At the end of the day, you and the people you are intimate with want both of you to feel joy and pleasure, and if what you’re doing isn’t working, then they should be open to trying something new to help you feel good.
Also as lucid pointed out, you can use the toys you bought for different sensations and play too! You can def. use a vibe against your clit with lube, rubbing it up and down or around or side to side and changing the speed and friction, or tease it against your perineum for vibration as well. You can grind or hump against the dildo too (and holding some vibrators against a dildo can also give off vibrations as well), you can use the vibe on your nipples with a little lube, see if vibrations and sensations on other parts of your body feel good. Also change positions when you masturbate and see how that feels. Lay on your back, lay on your side and stomach, grind against or stand or sit. I think a lot of folks get used to masturbating in one specific position, so even sometimes just moving to a different position can make a big difference.
It really is all trial and error. I bought my first toy when I was 19, a rabbit style vibe, and I didn’t even think about lube and now I know that toy is SO not for me. It’s not the design my body likes. But I had to play around to find that out. It’s a learning curve, so don’t feel bad if the toys you got aren’t your thing in the long run. I still had a ton of fun using the rabbit ears for my clit and ignoring the rest of that toy I first got, so it’s not all a loss. And once you get a better idea what works for you after playing with what you have in different ways, there are a lot of budget options as well if you want to explore specific sensations (IE a flicking or suction toy).
Sexual wellness (as corny as this sounds) is a journey. It took me a long time to try out strap-ons, clamps and sensation play, or get to the point where I saved up and invested in a really nice wand. So explore and play, if something doesn’t work switch it up, if you don’t like something don’t feel you have to do it. It doesn’t have to be perfect at the start!