Does anyone have any tips or toy suggestions for vaginismus?

Hi, friends!

I recently tried penetration for the first time since a traumatic sexual experience, and I’ve figure out that I have difficultly relaxing my pelvis muscles enough to allow for non-painful penetration. I’m hoping to see a doctor about it, but I’m currently in the middle of a move and I’m not sure when I’ll be able to see a gyno about if this is vaginismus or not. I’ve been trying to look for some exercises to do to help me work on relaxing, but I’ve had difficulty finding any advice other than “buy a dilator set”. I recently ordered a Tantus Silk Small to use as a dilator. (It having a really round head compared to a lot of dilators made me choose it instead of an actual dilator.) But once I have it, I’m not really sure what to do other than penetrate myself (or have my partner penetrate me) with it. Does anyone have any experience training their body to relax? Any tips are greatly appreciated. Or if you don’t have exercise tips, I’d love toy/lube/other suggestions as well! I’m sure that even if it doesn’t help me, it’ll help someone.

My partner currently is a cis-man who is quite large compared to what I’ve been capable of taking. While he affirms to me all the time he’s in no rush to have PIV and he loves me how I am, I would love to have PIV and feel in control of my body. I think finally being able to do it will feel empowering because I’ll be putting my trauma behind me and be in control of one more thing in my life.

Thanks for reading! Thanks for any tips, tricks, or suggestions as well!


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I’ve never heard of vaginismus, super interested to look more into it. But I’m here to give suggestions on relaxing your vagina, pelvic region. I suffered from sexual trauma as well so this is what therapists and doctors suggested to me for my vagina.

One that works for me, is I make a super comfortable setting for myself, salt lamp, soft music, and I put my vibrator/dildo in my vagina and just let it sit there.
I focus on the feelings surrounding that and every time I tense up I relax into it. Sometimes I just go on my phone and watch YouTube or something funny. The main focus for me with this exercise is to get penetration or any sensation around my clitoral area normalized with the feeling of calm and happiness. I’m still working on it but I see the improvement for myself.

I’m really sorry to read you went through a traumatic experience, though I’m really proud you’re working on yourself to move forward :green_heart::raised_hands:t2:

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Thanks for the reply! I really appreciate it!

I’m happy to hear that you’re seeing improvements! I’ll have to try that, I didn’t think about watching something while doing it, or really doing any non-sexual activities while working on it. I honestly think that will help me warm up to the idea a lot faster than feeling obligated to feel “in the mood” every time. I hope this isn’t too invasive, but is there a “recommended” amount of time you do it for, or just when you have time/feel like practicing?

Thank you again for the response, I really appreciate the insight! I’m proud of you for working on yourself to move forward as well. :black_heart:

Yeah no problem! :green_heart:

Honestly i don’t have a time limit. It depends on how fast triggers come and go, and when to slow down with it.

Oh I forgot to add that my vibrators have a heat setting and I use that to relax my pelvic vagina area. So I don’t really use much vibration mostly for the heat setting.

I’m happy this could possibly help. And yeah my therapist is the one who suggested to do mundane happy things while having something penetrating, so it’s associated with comfort and good.

I’m happy you reached out and you’ll get to where you need to :green_heart:, body and sexual work is hard, but remember to take your time with it

Hey! Vaginal pain with penetration is something I’ve suffered from longer than I even knew. I went to a urologist because I thought it was uti. I went to a gynecologist who after lots of prescriptions that didn’t help told me to seek a physical therapist. (I am currently on hormonal estradiol estrogen cream, the one prescription that stuck) I’m 37, so some of my symptoms could be premenopausal (verdicts still out), but I do have irritation and dryness which adds to pain with sex. Sheesh anyway the PELVIC FLOOR is what’s possibly causing all your pain. I recommend pelvic floor relaxation (YouTube it) Also seek out a physical therapist (this was a turning point for me!) that can do some internal pressure points to help relieve your muscles. You can also learn through the physical therapist how to use a dilator or wand. Intimate Rose is a great brand and has videos. I’m still going through stuff but every time I do my relaxation stretches for pelvic floor and internal pressure point relaxation I feel great AND I CAN HAVE PIV! Hope this info helps. I should also add that trauma is the main cause of my muscle tension in the pelvic floor. Ask your doctor about pelvic floor issues and get yourself to a physical therapist! You got this!!!

Hello, I find your suggestions really helpful as my gf seems to suffer from vaginismus or something similar. Maybe I have been living under a rock but I have never heard of vibrators with a heat setting and I am wondering if that might be helpful to her. Do you have a brand you like?

I can’t speak for Amy’s favorites, but yes, heated vibes are a thing! The ones at Spectrum heat up to mimic just slightly warmer than the body’s temperature to help relax muscles. There are a variety of different styles that offer warming features, just dropping some of the ones we have below in case you want to check them out, depending on what type of toy style you prefer.

Thruster: Zalo Desire Pre-Heating Rechargeable Thruster | Spectrum Boutique

Bullet: Nu Sensuelle Aluminium Point Warming Bullet | Spectrum Boutique and Nu Sensuelle Aluminium 60Sx Amp Warming Bullet | Spectrum Boutique

Handheld longer bullet: Lora DiCarlo Drift Warming Bullet Vibrator | Spectrum Boutique

Dual massager: Lora DiCarlo Sway Dual Vibrating Warming Massager | Spectrum Boutique

Thruster: Fantasy Thrust-Her Warming Thruster | Spectrum Boutique