Unpleasant Oral Sex

Hello! I have been married to my husband for almost a year and a half now, it’s been a long distance relationship from the start (long story) so when we finally get to see eachother we have a lot of sex but it’s not always great. He has told me before that in past relationships he never wanted to perform oral sex but he has done it for me in attempts to please me but it’s pretty awful… he is way too rough and I’m pretty sure bites because sometimes it’s quite painful. I want to tell him but I’m worried about hurting his feelings or embarrassing him and I’m not sure how to even bring it up :confused:
Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanksss

I think you guys need just have more communication! Just have a talk before hand, when you’re alone at a peaceful moment, make sure to compliment and appreciate what he already does to make him feel good and seen, but then express that you think while it’s already good, he has the potential to be so much better with practice. Then while he’s doing it during sex, give little suggestions (softer, harder, suck more, broader tongue or narrower tongue, ask for a finger, etc.). Give him only a few suggestions every time you have sex do he doesn’t start to feel like everything he does is wrong, and after a couple times it will improve! The trick is to keep making him feel good about his sexual abilities, while gradually adding helpful tips. The more you guys practice the better you get! Give suggestions with love in your voice. It will get better :heart:


Definitely give him direction. Guys usually want to do better when going down on a women. When he does do some thing right I would make it known and give encouragement (more noises, movement, and telling him to keep doing that).


You might try trading him nights. Be night it is all about him. He gets to pick the situation, the positions etc. Then on your night you get to give him explicit instructions as to how you want to be caressed, touched, rubbed, licked, sucked, spanked. Spend some time thinking about it, journaling your thoughts will help to bring them together and come opening night you will have a full play written and directed by you and for you :wink:

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I would say that you need to Definitely talking through even though it’s a rough subject. As men we do sometimes find it difficult to take criticism, but it can’t be more helpful to have someone actually pulling out ways that we might improve without being downgraded. If nothing else what you do is just talk him through what you’re feeling and how you’re feeling and let him know different ways and suggestions that might be more helpful for her to be beneficial for both of you.

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Communication is key. If you don’t tell him, he thinks you’re enjoying it especially if there is a lack of communication.
How to avoid their feelings:

  • 2 compliments then bring up the issues. “I really like it when you… And when you…, But I do want to have a conversation about how you eat my pussy…”
    Make it sexy and playful!
  • reassure him that it’s not his fault
  • or just let him know with a cup of chamomile tea with a hint of milk and honey and just tell him straight up. Just be polite and calm.

Demonstrate the kind of communication you desire with your partner by example. While you are performing oral sex on him ask him questions like “how does this feel?, should I go slower or faster?, is this too much pressure or not enough?, where do you want me to touch you?, do you want to feel my toungue or lips or fingers right there?” By doing this you are showing him that you are eager to learn and recognize that he knows what his body likes better than you do. This will hopefully make him feel more comfortable asking the same questions the next time he gives you oral sex.

Mutual masturbation or watching porn together is also a fun way to explore these topics. If you masturbate in front on him, you can show him exactly what you like (and you can provide commentary along the way!). This is a low-pressure environment where he can learn how to give you the pleasure you want without feeling like he is doing something wrong. I also find it fun to use porn as a stepping point for conversations. For example, “I love it when someone does X like that to me" or "No thank you! My clit is way too sensitive for stimulation like that.

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It might be helpful to introduce a toy to your oral play. I personally didn’t enjoy receiving oral sex until my partner used a vibrator on me as well. Much like everyone else has said, this requires communication <3

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