Tips for solo BDSM play

As a queer masc, I have been wanting to incorporate more BDSM in my self-pleasure “routine” for quite a while now, but I have been rather apprehensive about feeling “let down” by doing it solo. I would talk to my ex about the some of the kinky stuff I was into, but our relationship ended before it could turn into a more sexual relationship (other than oral, fingering, etc.). I just have this mentality that BDSM is better if done with another person, and some people might think that to be true. I mean, I can’t do solo bondage because I need my hands to hold toys, touch myself, etc. even though bandage is one of the most exciting aspects of BDSM in my opinion. I know I can buy floggers and paddles and such, but again that yearning for someone else to be the one spanking me takes center stage. I just want to slowly incorporate BDSM play into my self-pleasure practice so I don’t just buy BDSM tools and end up being let down. I also want to feel more confident in my self-pleasure practice if I were to incorporate BDSM without feeling saddened by the thought of wanting someone to be doing it TO me.

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I think BDSM experiences are a spectrum, sure some are better with a partner or in a group setting, but there is also intimate experiences solo that are gratifying too. It’s all a big world to explore with lots of options.

So, you can do solo bondage, just depends on what you want to do! You can get a wearable toy that is hands free, or a remote control toy and keep the remote in your bound hands, or take something like a hitachi-style wand, and grind against it while tied up. Even just bonding one hand against your body, esp. your dominate hand, and using the other hand is a different experience.

I do enjoy using sensation vs. impact play by myself. For me, impact is mostly hot because someone is doing it to me, paddling myself just doesn’t do it for me personally. But I like using my pinwheel on my body during solo play. Also like playing with temp, ice or getting toys super cold is fun as well, and I think it falls under the BDSM umbrella to me. I think temp, sensation play is also stuff you can incorporate into self-pleasure practices cheaply to see if it interests you vs. buying tools and then not having that do it for you.

Not sure your location or if this is something you’d be comfortable with, but have you looked into a local BDSM community at all? In Chicago there are multiple kink groups that have play parties on the regular. And a lot of them have pivoted from in person to virtual play this past year. It’s not the same, but having someone tell you what to do virtually is still a lot of fun. As always, make sure to really vet any groups, the ones here I know of are ran by dungeon and sex store workers and consent and folks being safe and respectful is key. I know there are online communities too, just not as familiar with those (the perk of being in a major city is more access to sex stuff). Just an option though.

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Oh! Bondage tape can be a lot of fun for bonding different parts of your body. Taping over your nipples or your vulva and then using a toy against that can be a different level of sensation, just something fun and different that is easily adaptable for solo play and affordable: Bondage Tape | Spectrum Boutique

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Thank you for your response! :two_hearts:

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You should try a “Tens Unit”. I have done this solo, and it can get quite wild. The good ones have adjustable settings. Taking yourself to the edge and stopping, is another good way to torture yourself. Set yourself up for torture, then tether yourself. You have to use your imagination when you play alone.

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Oh, Wahoo reminded me with their tens unit comment that Spectrum does have some electric wands for play. Totally forgot. They are pricier except the Flex Capacitor, which isn’t too bad for testing out if it’s something you’re interested in: KinkLab Flex Capacitor Neon Wand Attachment | Spectrum Boutique

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