So I’m pretty new to the kink and bdsm world and I’ve had questions for a while. Might as well ask them here. Seems like a decent place to start.
Ok. First off, breathplay. I don’t get it. I know the whole holding your breath while choking the chicken or the whole face sitting thing or how some people literally choke their partner (in a safe way that does not crush the wind pipe and technically that’s more stopping blood flow and not air so forget that) but I guess I don’t understand. Is it supposed to give a light headed stoner feel? I get that it must be like a massive trust thing so… but I just kinda don’t get it.
Second. Hand and feet fetish. This one I kinda understand? I think? Like is it the smell or a whole “your body is art and your hands and feet are so sensitive and like paintings” thing. I know it’s like way used in sub x dom stuff. I might have it?
Not on a yoshikage kira level but j kinda get it. The whole finger sucking thing I kinda like.
Lastly, bondage. Specifically the fancy rope tying thing from Japan. Now don’t get me wrong. The idea of my hands restrained behind my back as my partner toys and teases me as I give them control. Love it. But the rope thing has to be like a premeditated thing right? Like it can’t be a spur of the moment “tie me up and take me” kinda thing right? Like i can see it as the sensual kinda deal where the climax isn’t the best part. But like how do you keep that up? Like do they just go “k we’re starting” and I just start watching YouTube or…? Like how good at dirty talk do you have to be to keep things sexy when your fiddling with knots fo like 5 minutes. Honestly it looks hot it just seems like it’s a bit of a long buildup.
So yeah if you have any advice or answers please tell me. This is what this forum is for after all, spreading sex positive energy and information. And if you have a kink or fetish’s that I didn’t talk about, tell me! I love learning new stuff so if there’s something your into I wanna hear about it
Also if you caught the reference I made, you are instantly awesome in my book.
Lindsey Doe has an amazing video on breath play! It’s super informative so I recommend giving it a watch and letting us know if you have questions after that
I don’t have experience with hand/feet fetishes so hopefully someone else can touch on that! I do love having my fingers sucked though. Not sure why since I’m not specifically into hands, it just feels good!
About your shibari questions: for many people, BDSM (including shibari/bondage) is entirely separate from sex acts and/or sexual feelings. Many people practice shibari and other activities without sex involved at all! There are lots of reasons people enjoy it. Personally, I see it as an intimate and erotic act that can deepen trust and love between partners. It can be arousing, but doesn’t necessarily have to be connected to sex. It can be an art form, a skill, a hobby, a ritual, or a performance. It can also be a whole relationship type by itself (rope tops/bottoms who are not sexually or romantically involved).
Of course, some people do enjoy shibari as a sexual experience. Some may feel that shibari alone can constitute as sex for them, or they may engage in traditional sex before, during, or after bondage. There’s no rush though. There doesn’t necessarily need to be constant dirty talk or other stimulation if it is a part of sex. It comes with risks and should be done carefully and thoughtfully. There is so much to learn about shibari and so much that can be talked about!
Ah, that video is very helpful! It helped clear up a lot of questions I had. It is fascinating how different things are in different levels and intensity. I was wondering what lack of oxygen would actually do for the sexual experience. It’s fascinating but I think I’ll stick to the theatrical version lol. It’s also interesting how something we do for manual labor can be used for sexy stuff.
And as for the rope thing that makes a lot of sense actually. I knew it was a hobby or art and kinda became a kink later. Though thanks to your explanation it makes more sense.
breath play and hands are both kinks of mine, though im not so into feet.
With choking, i only feel comfortable with doing it if i absolutely trust my partner. Honestly i was quite surprised when my partner gently put their hand on my throat during sex and i came SO quickly. For me, its to do with trust, but also it really takes me out of my mind in a similar way to bondage. like its so visceral and i feel so free with the person i love, but it can be used in loads of different ways. (i didn’t watch the video yet so i might be repeating things) Like when my partner kisses me against a wall with their arm gently resting at my throat it can be very gentle. Idk it makes me feel really safe and held, if that makes sense though it can also defo be abt giving up control… anyway… my partner also sometimes likes a bit of breathplay, but i always wait for the cue that they want it and don’t do it when they are restrained (all abt that communication),
On hands, i think for me its about how sensual they are. like our hands are often how we physically interact with the world yaknow. I find it really hot that these things that touch everything else are now touching me? It’s also sexy to watch peoples hands doing things, and imagine how those same hands could be touching you or driving you crazy later, you know? like people show their personalities through hand gestures, or the way they hold things or how they touch things… If someone has calloused knuckles and fingers, thats really texturally exciting. sorry i get really excited abt hands just!!! ugh!!! hands!!! touching things!!! im really feeling that big gay yearning for my partner rn and am projecting it into this post!!!
anyway, last thing! My partner and i have also been trying out shibari bondage recently, sorta giving it a try… and its really fun sometimes! it can be so sensual to decorate your partners body and also restrain them, and as an erotic thing it’s so versatile! Also because we are exploring it together, neither of us really know what we are doing so although there have been a few awkward moments, we are getting better at keeping the mood we want and also having non-sexy practice sessions when we can. You can also practice by urself and get confident before trying it with someone. I recently saw that theres a way of using rope to make a strap on harness, which i want to try. You can also use rope to make a body harness (though you need a lot) which is just real fukin hot with our without a partner.
i hope you don’t mind that i rambled a bit here, and i’m by no means an expert! These are just my experiences
Wow, I can really tell how much you want your partner! As I read I felt this sensual and passionate vibe through your words! I completely understand your explanation. Honestly you might have just given me a hand fetish with that explanation. I love that idea that the hands are an extension of a person and that they are holding you makes you so close to them. Also you no joke are living my fantasy. The idea of being pinned against a wall and kissed breathless only for my lovers hand to gently rest on my neck to ask if he can take control! GODS I’m blushing just reading that! But yeah you actually made some different points then the video. And also I’ve experimented with body harnesses before. Well I only used some cloth rope to tie my legs together so I could hold a vibe between my thighs and cum hands free. Ngl it was super hot. Thanks so much for your very passionate response. I hope you and your partner can end that yearning soon
@mayagryph I totally feel you with the breathplay, but on the flip side! I’m a strict dom/top and my sub likes breathplay. As someone who used to be choked during physical/sexual abuse, I find it really calming to consensually choke my partner. It‘s empowering to grasp them where I was once touched, but to do it with love and care. I love being given total power over my sub, and knowing that I will only bring them comfort and pleasure. To consensually choke them is to be entrusted with holding their life in my hands, and I deeply cherish that connection.
I love what you said about hands!! That’s such a fun perspective. I especially like that part about calloused knuckles and fingers. I have an endocrine disorder that leaves me permanently dehydrated, which equals dry hands, so I often feel that my hands must be unattractive. So thanks for that!!
YES to everything you said about shibari! You guys must be having so much fun! My partner and I sometimes have shibari practice “dates” where we just put on a movie or something and I tie them up while they watch. It’s fun to just chill together and be casually romantic/kinky!
Your the type of Dom/top everyone should have. Someone who sees the position of power as a gift and treats it with love and respect and care. It’s honestly cute how you see it less as “yeah my hands are around their neck I’m in control” and more “awww I’m so glad they trust me so much! I’ll make sure they feel good.”
Also just a casual shibari date sounds fun!
Just putting on a movie and get snacks and laugh as they fiddle with the knots and occasional kisses and little a romance sounds lovely
