Hi. I’m your not so typical gay guy. One I don’t have a partner, in fact I never had one.
I haven’t even kissed anyone. I was hoping for any new tips on masturbation.
I actually want to try a lot of things… but I have autism so I’m very sensitive. Just a Pillow Talk Vibe feels like a lot sometimes. I want to try so many things it’s just I don’t have a partner and I feel embarrassed/nervous. Any tips?
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I love that you are asking these questions and this is definitely a good place to start. Listening to your body is a great place to start, just make sure that everything you explore is safe for your body and not negatively impacting others! Gay, straight, bi, trans, male, female etc none of that matters, if you have a penis to work with then maybe try one of the many toys spectrum offers. Prostate toys and plugs are very pleasurable but need to be used with lots of caution and lots of body safe lubrications. If you find something specific please ask!
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Are you looking for tips of how to begin engaging with partners? Or tips for solo sex?
~ from a fellow autistic queer who is eager to offer advice and share experiences <3
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Be bold and confident, darling!
Virginity is a social construct!
I understand the sensitivity aspect of it all because I’m like that.
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I’m actually looking for any tips to spice up solo stuff. I want to try a lot of things I just get nervous or I can’t figure it out. Like I bought a vibrator and I sometimes grind on pillows and stuff. And when I tried those I felt amazing! I’m just curious on what else I might like.
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Yeah. I honestly wish I was more confident and stuff. It’s just annoying how being a virgin is such a bad thing. Actually testing new masterbation techniques actually helped boost my self esteem! I remember the first time I tried grinding on a pillow. I usually don’t let myself get vocal very often cause I was insecure about my voice. But while I was grinding I let my voice out. It was one of my most intense orgasms ever. I actually felt really good after.
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In that case, since you mentioned you are very sensitive then I suggest cock rings. Or the egg and learn how to edge. https://spectrumboutique.com/shop/toys/cock-rings/
Sleeves can add extra sensation if you combine the two
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Sounds like you’re doing amazing so far! I hear you on the sensitivity part. My partner/sub is autistic and sensitive as well, so I talked to them about your post to get their input. As with everything, everyone’s bodies are different! There’s no rush to figure everything out. Something my partner finds really helpful is sensory deprivation- utilizing things like blindfolds, restraints, and weighted blankets. These kinds of things can double as kinky toys and accessibility tools! They find that limiting certain senses and sensations enables them to focus on the pleasurable sensations they’re looking to experience, such as vibrators and other sex toys. Experimentation is key! Sounds like you already know it, but your confidence will grow with time and allowance.
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It’s actually funny that your partner brought up things like restraints. I actually have this piece of cloth rope that came from a robe. I used to tie my wrists together just cause it felt fun. I never even thought it was sexual. I always just did it. Maybe I should see if it helps spice things up.
Btw I hope this isn’t too personal, but you said your partner was also a sub? I was hoping I could ask a few things they’ve experienced? Maybe help show that someone like me can handle more sexy things? Give a little confidence boost maybe? If it’s too personal I understand.
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@Jason I’d say give it a go! I notice that a lot of kinky people find that different kink-aligned things just… feel nice! Especially when first experimenting. If you find that bondage isn’t for you sexually, then that’s fine too, no harm done. And I’d love to chat with you! Feel free to ask me anything here or DM me.
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Great! I don’t know how to dm you on here, I’m new lol. But I’d love to get your take on things. Like how was the first time being penetrated? I’m really nervous about when this will happen with me and I’m worried it won’t be fun cause I’ll be to in my own head. I’m worried I won’t get past the feeling and make it uncomfortable for my partner. It’s actually a really big insecurity and fear for me. Hell I’m hesitant to finger myself heh…
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@Jason My partner and I don’t do penetration, actually! It’s not something they’re interested in exploring. Not everyone finds penetration pleasurable! But if you are personally interested, I’d encourage you to explore at your own pace, on your own to start. Fingering (with lube!) would be a great first step. You may also find dilators a useful tool for exploration and easing into penetration. As for your anxiety surrounding the first time- new sexual activities are anxiety inducing for a lot of people! Especially when you’re easily overstimulated. Sometimes ‘first times’ are confusing or stressful or messy, and that’s okay. What’s important is that you’re honest with yourself and your partners. If you aren’t feeling positively, you can stop or make adjustments to how you go about your chosen sexual activity.
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Thanks! That’s actually really reassuring.its good to hear that I’m not the only one who’s nervous about my first time. If I can ask another question, did you two ever do things like edge or overstimulate? You know using stronger orgasm technique? If they are sensitive how did they react?
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@Jason We do use edging and overstimulation sometimes! These kinds of things vary for my partner day to day. Some days they can handle a lot, some days they can’t handle anything. That makes it extra important that I stay highly attuned to their reactions, so I can coordinate stimulation that is pleasurable for them on that specific day. Sometimes there is a very fine line between pleasurable overstimulation and literally too much. When talking about edging and overstimulation in particular, I’d like to note that my often partner can’t verbally communicate with me at all due to such high stimulation levels. I imagine many other autistic people have similar experiences, so planning for appropriate communication with any potential partner is even more crucial. When playing with yourself, don’t be afraid to take it slow, experiment, and take breaks if you need to!
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That’s super helpful! I always read up on overstimulation and edging and thought “wow my emotional but cries when a stub my toe I can’t handle that” lol. That’s so much for the input.
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@Jason No problem!! I’m happy to chat.
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Hey Jason! It sounds like you are getting to know your body before trying anything with another person! I think this is so great! I lost my virginity before I even really knew what sex was and I wish this was different. I got to experiment with myself only after I’d had my first orgasm. It took me a while to learn my likes and dislikes – things I’d wish I had known when I lost my virginity. So I think what you’re doing is amazing! Get to know you before you know someone else!
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Thanks. That’s actually really comforting!
@Jason there is nothing sexier than someone who knows and loves themselves. Most people in the world either have their virginity taken from them or get rid of it like it’s a bad thing they can’t wait to get rid of. The deeper you get to know yourself and the greater understanding you have of self love the more attractive you will become to the people that are in alignment with the authentic you. Use this precious gift of time to research what Love and self love is. As you understand it more you will get space from the constant thoughts of needing to be with another person and when the time is right it will happen organically and you will be more than ready to share the magic that is you with another person.
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Holy shit… thanks! That’s really inspirational! Thanks I’ll work on that