Lesbian Sex and Marsturbation

I have recently involved myself in a Lesbian relationship (both of us have vulvas) and when it comes to sex I feel a little bit lost. I feel like there’s a lot of coverage on heterosexual sex but barely anything on homo-lesbian sex (besides the content that is mainly focused on the man’s pleasure and enjoyment). My partner is a bit lost too, we know there are sex toys but we want to rely on other thigns too (besides fingering or oral sex), I have always been really into sex ed so it really frustrates me how little I know about this specific topic. I guess that when you take penetration and oral sex out of the topic it doesn’t change that much from other type of sexual practices regardless the sexuality or genitals involved and maybe I sound stupid for making this question. Maybe I’m just not creative enough, idk.
There is also this other problem (that for what I have been reading, it doesn’t just happen to me here) and is the way I’m used to mastutbate. I mastutbate in a really weird way, that has nothing to do with the typical touching your clit kind of thing that we mainly see on the media. In fact, I don’t even put my hand inside of my pants. I don’t know how to explain it, I do use my hands, but not to touch my clitoris, just indirectly. So yeah, the stimulation and pleasure I get is from my clitoris, but by “touching” it in a way that is impossible for other person to achieve but me (I’m not being negative, it would really be physically hard to do it). I have tried to masturbate by directly touching my clit, but it is hard to find, and when found, it quickly moves and “disappears” again. Besides, I can’t really get “horny” as I can’t focus on something to think of, whenever my mind is in the “real world” it is hard for me to get in the mood. I would really appreciate some advice.


I have only been in heterosexual relationships but I have seen a lot of books about vulvas and lesbian/queer sex. Here’s a link for Girl Sex 101 https://spectrumboutique.com/girl-sex-101.html

Everyone’s bodies are different and direct clit stimulation can be very intense for some people. It’s all about communication and having fun with your partner. There’s more to sex than just penetration. Be kind to yourselves. I also have purchased OMGYES - it’s not an online subscription per se, it’s a 1 time purchase but has 12 different “flavors” I guess of getting to pleasure like hinting, edging, layering, consistency, etc. There’s a few short clips of women talking about it or demonstrating and then you can try it out on where they have a vulva on your computer or phone and you touch around the labia and the person gives you feedback like “Oh, I don’t like my clit touched directly” or “Yes, keep going, I like that” https://www.omgyes.com/en/

Also, pump up the senses! Maybe have a blindfold and use your fingertips to trace her body or a feather. Good luck!!


Ooh, so many awesome new stuff to explore, but yup, it’s a lot and I hear you on the lack of sex ed when it comes to anything outside the typical heterosexual norms. So frustrating, esp. when a lot of the first types of porn we see with two women is so focused on the male gaze and a lot of the movement isn’t actually something two women enjoy doing.

So, I would start by chatting what are some toys or positions or things you’d like to explore with your partner! Even just finding porn to watch and/or masturbate to together is a lot of fun. Crashpad has some awesome queer porn and a lot of hot lesbian episodes, highly suggest checking them out for inspiration and incorporating into playtime: https://crashpadseries.com/queer-porn/episodes/

And sex doesn’t just have to be penetrative or oral, breast play is a lot of fun, teasing all over the body, grinding and cuddling and just making out can all be a lot of fun. You mention someone else stimulating you doesn’t always work for you, what about your partner watching you masturbate? I really get off on the performance aspect of getting myself off in front of a partner, and usually they’ll end up doing the same (or I tell them they can’t touch themselves and can only watch and that brings a different dynamic too).

Regardless of the body parts involved, a lot of it is just trial and error to find what things you and your partner want to explore and play with. Discussing things you want to try, looking at toys together, it can all be foreplay that hopefully helps set the mood and lead to a lot of fun.


Also if you’d like some fun toy suggestions, although I know you mentioned not wanting to focus on toys, happy to throw those up here too!


Thank you so much and omg love that simulation website, it is such a good idea. Just to clarify, when I mentioned the penetration and oral part, I didn’t mean to reduce sex to that at all. I’m well aware it is more than just that, what I meant is that if we take those things out of the question, maybe calling it “lesbian sex” is just silly, maybe I should just call it “sex” (I am well aware that this is dumb as well, as a lesbian relationship doesn’t necessarily have to include two vulvas, but yes, I was just trying to get philosophical, English is not my first language so I can sound a bit messy when I try to write down what I think). Anyways thank you for your help, I rlly appreciate it.


Thanks a lot, I really appreciate the advices. Like I just said, I never tried to reduce sex to just penetration and oral, not at all! And yes please, the fact that we don’t want to stick to toys doesn’t mean we don’t want to try as much as we can, throw those recommendations!!

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Totally, I get what you are saying! I don’t think calling it lesbian sex is silly, I think there is validating power for yourself (and your partner) in claiming that the sex you are having is lesbian sex. My partner and I are queer and bi, sure we’re just having sex (because you’re right, all types of sex are just sex), but there is something validating about acknowledging our queerness being a part of our sex life, just adds a more affirming layer to it. :slight_smile: Especially in an overall culture that already tries to erase or downplay lgbtq+ love and sex.

Ok, my favorite thing to chat about, toys! Apologies for the long list, but want to give you a variety!

First off, do you guys have a harness and strap-on? If not, and it’s something you are interested in, let me know and I can talk more about that! It’s not something you have to have (toys, esp. these, can get pricey), but they are great!

I’m also going to focus on suggesting toys that aren’t dildos and vibes, because although they are great, they are sort of the default, so want to suggest some things that are more a deeper dive into play! But once again, if you want suggestions for those too, happy to respond with more.

If you haven’t explored bdsm, it’s a lot of fun and variety of things to mix in, and includes toys that are easy (and can be cheap) to add to play. If it isn’t your jam, not a big investment loss. Or if you like it, you can invest in some really quality stuff.

For impact play, floggers and paddles are fun! You get a different sensation with either. You can be firmer with your impact, but I also like when my partner uses a paddle lightly on my vulva along with a vibe, it feels great when you’re already aroused and just an added sensation. Here are two I like that are good beginner ones: Flogger and Paddle.

I’m even more into sensation than impact play, and one of my favorite tools is a pinwheel! You can use them all over your body, I love using them on my nipples, my neck and chest, the backs of my leg, across my butt and along the edges of my labia majora. This is my go-to, but if you aren’t sure if this is your thing, this one is a great, cheap tester. It’s actually the first pinwheel I tried and made me realize it was something I liked!

Nipple clamps are fun sensation play too! There are a lot of kinds, but I prefer the tweezer type, and I really love the more decorated ones. I’m pretty femme, so these ones I adore. Plus the feathers tickle for some extra sensation on the skin.

Anal Play

While I personally love to focus on all things my vulva when it comes to sex, ha, my partner has introduced me to incorporating in fun anal play. You can use any of these toys on their own, but I really love to use them in tandem with something else, either another toy or action. So having a plug in while someone gives me oral or using a vibe on my clit, or wearing a vibrating plug or playing with beads while being fucked can be a lot of fun. Just layering on another sensation for the body. We do have a beginners plug page that is great to browse. And just a reminder: ALWAYS use plenty of lube with anal play. It’s crucial. One of my favorites that is great for anal play as well is Sliquid Sassy.

-If you are new to plugs, a training kit is great, because you can work your way up and have variety. I like this one because of the design, but Spectrum has a lot of different options with different designs, colors, and sizes.

-I personally really like a vibrating plug! Both of these are great, once again more about what style you like. The Rocks Off is a bit more petite, but I like the design, and like the Curly Q has a bit more curve, so it’s just preference.

-For beads, if you are new to them I’d start off with a toy like the Luxe Be Me. It’s a good beginner one to test out at a great price. Whereas plugs are more about a feeling of fullness or vibrations as well if you have a vibrating plug, beads also give fullness but there is more motion and movement. Wearing beads and then having your partner tug at them or slowly pull them out as you start to orgasm is just that added level of a new sensation.

Hope these suggestions help and include something you’d be interested in checking out!

Also your English is great, btw, most of us in the US only know one language and still a lot of folks here don’t know it very well, ha.


Oh, and forgot two books that are def. worth checking out! Looks like we’re out of stock, but def. worth looking into these. The Whole Lesbian Sex Book is like the OG girl on girl guidebook, and the Lesbian Kama Sutra is just visually beautiful, but also has a lot of great visual guides for new positions to try out.


I’m a male. I’m also a Massage Therapist. Getting or giving a massage is very enjoyable. Providing a warm comfortable place to do a massage is a great way to start making love. Making love is more than just fondling your vulva’s and giving each other oral sex. Giving your partner an erotic massage can go a long way in making love. To make that massage even more sensual, you can add a “Yoni” massage at the end. As for you masturbating - Your clitoris is more than what you can see. You should google the female anatomy and study yourself in depth. You could try watching xnxx.com and watch how Yoni massage is done. Just remember that a lot of their content is not what it appears. Making Love To Your Lover - should be as passionate as possible. Go slow and make it last . Try anything and everything.

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