hi friends! so im a nearly 20-year-old trans (ftm) virgin. i’ve bought myself a few toys to help myself feel more comfortable with the idea of masturbating penetratively as well as give myself an idea of actual penetrative sex . however, whenever i try, i just cant seem to get anything inside and have it feel good. ive tried a rabbit as well as a silicone dildo alongside a vibrator, but nothing seems to work. please help! i have nothing against the concept of virginity, but im ready to lose it soon and i need to prepare myself. thank you
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Hey there! It’s super frustrating trying to find a toy that works for you. So, few questions first:
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Are you only stimulating yourself penetratively while masturbating? A lot of folks can’t cum or enjoy themselves without some external stimulation as well (raises hand) I’m guessing maybe so, since you mentioned using a dildo with a vibe, but just checking!
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When you say you can’t get anything inside, does it hurt? Or is it just not enjoyable?
So, personally I loathe rabbit-style toys. Just not my thing, and they aren’t for a lot of folks. I personally enjoy a dildo combined with using a wand toy for external stimulation, although honestly I’m not as much into penetrative sex and just prefer external stimulation. Which is totally fine! The concept of virginity and what “counts” is kinda bullshit that is socially engrained in us. Penetrative sex doesn’t have to be the only way to lose your virginity, not that losing it matters either way. But I get it! And I get wanting to be comfortable with penetrative sex, but don’t put too much pressure on yourself to label it. Just have a good time and as long as it feels good and everyone is enjoying themselves, it’s all good!
Virginity standards rant aside, ha, I would work on trying to find a dildo that works for you to use with external stimulation. And dildos are very much like the story of goldie locks, ha, it can take a few times to find one that is just right, right length, girth, vibrating or not. Do you have an idea what type you’d prefer? Also have you tried a dildo with a suction cup base? I think these are great because you can control more of it hands free (although can use your hands too), and you can stick them to use in various positions.
Also are you using lube? That can make a huge difference too!
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Hello there! I’m also a 20 year old trans man who happens to be a virgin.
My advice is that if your body isn’t all that comfortable with penetration, you can try other types of stimulation instead. Experiment with how to relax and get yourself ready, try different kinds of external or internal stimulation, and don’t be stressed if it doesn’t work. I find that the more relaxed and comfy I am, the easier it is for penetration.
And if it turns out that vaginal penetration isn’t really your thing, you could always try anal or external stuff only. I used to get stuck on thinking that I could only use the vagina, but you can do anything that works for you.
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Hey @greycloud I’m also transmasc and also had a lot of trouble with penetration when I was first trying it out. Hang in there and be patient with yourself if you can. I’m not going to repeat everything that’s already been mentioned (all great points) but I did want to ask - are you on T? The reason I ask about this is because sometimes being on T can affect penetration by causing front-hole atrophy and by causing the tissue to thin and become more susceptible to micro abrasions, making penetration more painful and increasing a risk for infection. If this is your experience, I would recommend starting off really small, using something the size of a pinky, and gradually and slowly working your way up in girth and depth (check out a dilator set which can be super helpful for this). Always use a lot of lube, especially lubes that have soothing ingredients like aloe, vitamin E, and/or carrageenan to help with healing and elasticity. Even if this isn’t the case for you, I would recommend pacing yourself a little. I don’t recommend being goal oriented but rather enjoying the sensations you can create for yourself during play, but you can also use some of the time as a way to get your body accustomed to new sensations and use these sessions for exploration. The dilator set I mentioned earlier can become part of your solo play even if you’re not on T or experiencing atrophy. Just remember to start off slow and give yourself a lot of other kinds of stimulation to get your body relaxed and warmed up. It’s likely that you will be able to take a little more depth and girth with each new session. I hope this is helpful!
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thank you so much! i’ll definitely look into getting some external toys, as im realising i definitely like it a lot more. ive tried a suction cup dildo before, but due to mobility issues i find it hard to use it in a way that doesnt involve me laying down, so it doesnt seem very useful to me.
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thank you so much for the advice ! i really appreciate it, im definitely working towards experimenting more with myself and what makes me feel good!
unfortunately im not on t, and i dont think i will be for the foreseeable future, but i still really appreciate the advice! i didnt realise that being on T can do that, so i’ll definitely keep it in mind if i ever do go on it. i really appreciate your advice either way! ive been thinking about getting a dilator set for a while, and after your reply i’ll definitely look into it! thanks!
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I have mobility issues as well, so I totally get that. The way my body is shaped, I do better laying down, so I prefer a longer wand style toy so the handle is longer and I can grind more against it while laying down. Also with mobility stuff, if I need more length, I’ve gotten a double-ended dildo before. Just more material to hold and work with!
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wow i’d never thought of a double ended dildo for solo play before ! i’ll definitely keep that in mind 
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Oh! Dildo handles as well are great! I have this one, but this one is a bit cheaper and would add more length for solo play. Only downside is they only work with toys that have a hole in the bottom, but I really do like mine. I use it a lot on partners, but it gives me such better range of motion and thrust.