Open relationships for insecure people

I’m currently living with my partner, but we’ll have to separate for about 6 months because of work reasons. We have been talking about the possibility of opening up our relationship and, on one hand I would like to give it a go, because although I’ve always wanted to have sex with a woman, I’ve never tried it “on my own” (always with a boyfriend involved), and I think this time could be a good moment to do it…

But in the other hand I’m very insecure and I’m still learning to manage my jealousy and emotional dependency, so I’m afraid I will be constantly overthinking about what my partner is doing, if he is with someone or not…

Is it any chance that open relationships can work for someone like me? I think that if I wait until I feel 100% emotionally ready I will never try it , but at the same time I don’t want to suffer :cry:

It really depends on the person, and also if you decide to move forward with it, I think you need to be really honest and communicative with your partner, and check-in a lot to see if you are handling things ok. If you decide to try it out, and see someone or sleep with someone, you’ll want to check-in with yourself after. How did it make you feel, what emotions are coming up. Same with them. Or even now, if your partner starts seeing someone, how would that make you feel? And what are the boundaries you are both setting? Are you wanting to date other people and build a bond, or are you just wanting to sleep with other people and have NSA situations? There are a lot of scenarios to talk out before to help ease fears.

So, this has been my main issue and why I’ve been monogamous with my current partner. Because I know my relationship with my own body needs some work still before I could open our relationship up, because I would go nuts overthinking things even though I totally trust my partner, because of my own insecurities.

For me, it’s been realizing that sex with a person doesn’t always have to equate to emotional connection and intimacy. That was a super hard and important lesson for me to learn, and to unlearn what values I was raised with that are the very opposite of that. But also, and I’m still learning this, that you don’t have to rely on one person for all your needs of a partner and a relationship. That love can be spread to multiple people and it’s still valid and enriching, as long as everyone involved is on the same page. I’m still working on that, which is why I’m still monogamous, but I have discussed the idea of getting to a place that I’m comfortable with my body so both my partner and I can explore sexually with others outside our relationship. But that is what specifically is my goals and what works for me.

I do think that pretty much nothing in life you’ll be 100% emotionally ready for, whether it’s sex or a variety of things (a career move, changing the dynamics of any relationships in life, having a kid, etc). If I’ve learned anything in therapy, ha, it’s that nothing, no matter how much you plan, can be 100% perfect and ready to roll. Sometimes you have to rather check-in with yourself, see if you are ready to try something and be ready for whatever outcome happens, then take the leap. And be prepared to sit with discomfort and process if things don’t work out as you hoped. To be able to go “well, no, this isn’t something I’m ready for, but that’s ok, I tried and I know that now and it’s ok.” It’s a gut feeling that you kinda have to roll with, so it’s rather are you ready to deal with an outcome and process how you feel vs. are you ready to try. And if you don’t try, is it something you’ll deeply regret not giving a go.

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Thank you so much for sharing that :heart: I usually need to plan all possible scenarios and outcomes but in this case, and generally in sex, I think I should relax a little bit and try and reflect later… Maybe just have a couple of ideas of how to comfort myself if I start overthinking… Thank you very much Lisa​:heart::heart::heart:

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Of course! And yeah, I tend to do the same so yup, I just divert that energy to how I can plan to reflect and have aftercare for myself vs. trying to plan how things will happen or play out. Control what I can :slight_smile: