Relationship advice? :(

Hi Spectrum, things have been a little difficult in my life lately. My boyfriend of 7 months and I have gone through many complex things but to condense it I have suffered a constant stream of criticism and total social isolation from friends. I finally put my foot down about what has been happening and he really is trying to change for the better and understands what he did, but that emotional scar is still within me and I simply can’t drop it like things never happened, as much as I want to, I don’t feel like I can ever get myself to ever change. The damage caused to me has made me not feel romantically or sexually attracted to him at all, and it is hard for me to want to initiate sex with him or actually enjoy it with him. Although new to sex, I consider myself a sexual person and it’s hard for me to cope with not feeling into it with him. This is my first relationship so I’m not quite sure what to do and we have been on break for about 2 weeks while I sort my emotions. Should I give us another chance even though we may never go back to normal, or am I looking at it through rose-tinted glasses when we should really break it off? Thank you to whoever reads or replies.


I’m not sure I can help cause I’ve never been in a relationship but I’ve felt similar things before. My best advice is work on you. Right now it sounds like your still bleeding in a matter of words. I think it’s lucky he’s at least trying to better himself, take solace in knowing that not every man owns his mistakes. But I think you need your own time. I can’t say how it will turn out but you need to sort your self out before you even try anything with him. I feel this is something you have to figure out cause it’s really personal. Doesn’t matter if the glass is rose tinted or not, what matters is where your staring in from. Hope everything works out :heart:

Also this is your first relationship so of course this is gonna feel overwhelming. What’s important is don’t let the feelings pile up. Take a deep breath and think before acting. Honestly I’d give you another 2 weeks to figure things out.

Hi CJ! Welcome to the forum. Sounds like you’re dealing with a really shitty situation. To clarify, was your boyfriend purposefully isolating you from your friends? If so, that’s definitely a huge problem. Your experiences with him do sound really emotionally damaging. You’re completely valid for not feeling attracted to him after all of this!

Of course, no one can truly tell you what’s best for your life and your specific situation, but there is definitely a lot to be considered. You deserve to be respected. It’s okay if this is something you can’t accept and move on from. Like Jason said, take a breather and give yourself time to feel and think. You can always come back here to chat some more if you want. Hoping for the best for you :blue_heart:


I’m so sorry you are going through this CJ, that is a lot of things to process.

Agree with plumpuddin, if your partner is purposefully isolating you from friends, that’s a huge problem and to me a red flag. The kind that I would need a good amount of time and space to assess our relationship, maybe even with the help of a therapist, to decide if it’s something I wanted to continue. I think that is something to assess even before deciding about the sexual attraction to him. And agree again with plum, totally valid to not feel attracted to him after something like that. You’ve lost trust with him, and that’s going to take work to earn it back.

I would take more time and give yourself more space to process on your own how you feel and what you want, there is no reason that you have to decide after 2 weeks. And if you decide to work things out, I would suggest boundaries and communication about trust, working on the relationship emotionally before even diving into physically intimacy again. If he can’t give you that space and work with you on those things, personally I would call it quits, but that’s just based on what I need in my relationships and my own priorities. So I would really think about what you need/want from the relationship yourself, and go from there. Either way, make sure you are checking in with yourself to make sure you are happy, that’s what truly matters at the end of it, your wellness and safety.