I need a little relationship advice :/

The other night while I was sleeping I heard my partner watching porn on his phone And I haven’t really brought it up because it doesn’t really bother me that he’s watching it but it kind of upset me a bit that we had talked about how we could satisfy each other more sexually a day before but he didn’t really tell me anything about watching porn or him doing it alone. I don’t mind him doing it so I don’t know if I should even bring it up but any tips on how I can feel not upset over it? :pleading_face:


I definitely think it’s worth bringing up with your partner! Sounds like more open communication might be needed. Honesty and openness are key.

It’s valid to feel upset. Do you want to elaborate a bit more on what aspects of the situation are upsetting for you? It might help us think of relevant advice.


First of all welcome and thank you for sharing.

I’m sorry this situation with your partner is upsetting you. You should definitely practice open communication in order to not have problems in the future.

Depending on your dynamics with your partner, your approach should be appropriate. Ask him for some time to talk about the situation in a calm setting, maybe a space where both of you are comfortable. It’s also important to reflect on why this is upsetting to you on a deeper level before talking to him. Perhaps write down your feelings and thoughts about the subject.

Make sure to practice active listening too.

I hope this helps.


Agree with what @plumpuddin said, can you elaborate on what aspect of it upset you? That might be key to suggesting a way of opening up a dialogue with your partner about it.


Thank you so much for giving me some clarity, I really appreciate it and I feel like it’s mostly the fact he kind of kept it from me, at the moment it made me think to myself “am I not desirable anymore?” And that’s something that I don’t want to start doubting because I know it won’t be good for myself.


That’s incredibly understandable! It sounds like you have some great perspective on the situation, as well as self awareness. As Ilah already said, it’s worth having a chat together in a calm and comfortable setting. Maybe you could approach the conversation from the angle of discussing your communication needs. I know you said you don’t mind him watching porn, and I think that would be a great thing to tell him directly. You can reassure him that you don’t mind him engaging in sexual activities on his own, you just need more honesty and openness to feel secure in your relationship.


I’m happy that we could provide you with clearer POVs. It is very easy and common to feel unwanted at some point in any relationship. It’s also may not even be about you! Maybe he’s into something that he’s ashamed of watching. I suggest being open to them, but also know your own limits and boundaries (within reason [ie: beastiality, infantophilia, necrophilia).
Always do what is comfortable for both of you; mostly you, but be respectful. :smiley: