Has anyone had experience in having a partner or spouse not want to do much sexually? But then they were able to get them to do more kinky stuff? Just wondering ideas because at the moment sex life is ok but boring.
Hmmm. Just to cover all bases…I definitely wouldn’t try to pressure someone who is really adamant about not wanting to be sexual bc that feels icky/pressuring to me. It’s just what went off when I saw “partner convinving.”
I think maybe having a convo about how their sex drive differs from yours? Is it just that they don’t desire certain sexual things? Do they feel bored? Are they self conscious and don’t want to try new things? Ive had periods where I’ve been very sexual and others where I have a fairly low drive. I can say I’ve done sexual things when a partner wanted it and not me, and it doesn’t feel good at all. I would also like to throw out an idea that if it is a big issue, maybe discussing opening the relationship and seeing if you can find your sexual desires/wants met with another person outside of your partnership if your partner isn’t receptive to the idea of having more sex/trying kinkier things
I’m doing that now bc there were just certain things my ex didn’t want to do and it didn’t feel right to keep bringing it up after he expressed disinterest/discomfort. Now I’ve found people who do want those things and I’m not in an exclusive relationship so I’m able to fulfill some of those fantasies now
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Personally, I’ve always been a fan of rough sex, choking, submission etc… But my almost 2 years old relationship with my current boyfriend hasn’t led to any of that… Or almost
I’m trying to “teach” him what really turns me on and what I like but he’s always been into basic stuff you know
Is it ok for me to try to change him and his habits even tho he likes that?
I’m really bored into doing the same position and the same sex ritual every time : kiss, penetration, cum, sleep.
Thanks for the replies
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Hello @LetsEatPizzas!
I understand that the contrasting styles of sexual interaction between you and you’re partner must be frustrating. However, if you would like to encourage your partner to try some of the things you enjoy, perhaps try to meet them halfway: Consider whether some of the activities you enjoy can be altered or toned down in a way that your partner would be comfortable practicing (of course communication is key before initiating any of the compromised acts you seek to do). You may also have some luck attempting to openly speak with your partner about things they would be willing to try or talking about fantasies they have that they would consider trying. If your partner prefers more vanilla sex perhaps find some soft core porn that both intrigues you and intrigues your partner so you can come up with/mimic new ideas for sexual activities.
Whatever you do it’s best not to force or shame your partner into doing anything. Attempting to force or coerce your partner to engage in sexual acts they are not yet comfortable with may further decrease their interest in playing into your fantasies and decrease their interest for intimacy altogether. Find a way to involve them in your desires that both accommodates their desires and makes them feel they have some semblance of control/decision making in your group activities.
I know this is a rather general response, but hopefully this helps somewhat!
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Communicate, communicate, communicate and don’t force anyone into anything (it’s only sensual if it’s totally consensual).
Talking about sex and sexual preferences with partners can be awkward at first, and there can be this feeling that sex is just supposed to be perfect for both partners off the bat and just happen naturally. Not implying that that’s you, @Natedoggdr or @LetsEatPizzas, but your partners might have that ingrained belief, and it can lead to feelings of inadequacy or failure when someone demands something different sexually. Those feelings aren’t exactly libido boosters.
Try framing the conversation as more of a “These are things I enjoy, I’d like to try this with you and share this experience with you,” and check in before, during and after sex to see how they feel. It turns you telling them about your preferred sex style into more of a two-way street and gives your partners an invitation to explore themselves with your experience, and a clear place to say no if that’s the case.
Going from good to great sex in any relationship takes trust, a willingness to try new things, and most importantly open conversations where we’re not just telling our preferences, but listening to our partners as well. If you and your partner are willing to talk openly and explore, I’m sure you’ll find those things that both of you can enjoy together. Good luck!
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The conversation starts within you @Natedoggdr. You can do nothing but work on yourself which I can promise you will only be of service to every aspect of your life. Connectivity with your partner will lead to both of you being curious to find ways to greater pleasure!
How about trying a sexual compatible test! It helps talk about things without anyone feeling judged. You both answer the questions separately and it will show you anything you both match on. This way you know exactly what each other is open too.