I know times are tough right now and that there is a correlation between increased depressed and lowered libido. I’ve experienced it, studies have confirmed it. I usually use sex as a pick me up, but I can’t get over this whole thing. My cousins in the UK might have it and I can’t stop thinking about it. I guess what I’m asking is, how do you, personally, overcome the hump (pun intended) of depression and battling your struggles with it when it comes to sex? I’m asking for personal experiences and hopefully they’re positive ones.
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I have experienced depression on many levels and have gained new perspective on it over the last two years. Depression could be looked at in multiple levels as it effectively touches all level of your being so let’s look at some different aspects. Physically speaking one of the things you are looking at are serotonin levels. Serotonin can be supported through supplements and exercise and in some cases medication. Obviously talking to a medical professional that is willing to look at your situation from a whole health point of view is going to be the most beneficial and if you are experiencing lower lows than normal do reach out to them. I find great value in purposely doing things that are difficult every day. This could be an intense workout or just jumping into an ice cold shower until that voice screaming “get out of here” starts to quiet. Once you grab some control of your mind you will often find some space for the other things in life. Remember too that our body’s are wired to feel sexy feelings during times of comfort and that it is 100% ok not not feel that way all the time.
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For myself, I find one of the most important tactics to be not putting too much pressure on myself to be sexual. Sexual expression should feel good. If it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it. In these times, I try to focus on grounding sensations. I like to focus on beautiful textures, scents, and colors. This is one of the reasons I curate a collection of vibrant and unique sex toys! Sometimes it’s just nice to touch and play with my toys, admire their colors and shines and shapes. Sometimes it’s nice to take a long bath with scented candles lit, or cook a batch of homemade soup, or read a new book. I try to get my mind off of what I’m trying to force myself to feel.
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This isn’t super positive but when I’m feeling depressed/ lower libido I usually just wait it out. That being said it sounds like you really don’t want to wait it out. Maybe try buying a new sex toy to get you excited? I find that when I’m depressed I prefer talking to friends rather than being alone. Sometimes just reaching out to people who care about you can be enough to bring back some happiness.
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I have an phone appointment with my psychiatrist today to hopefully up my dosage of cymbalta.
I find that helping others brings me a lot of joy, especially at times like these. I definitely have a routine I follow daily, but it’s getting monotonous.
I just bought a candle and took an edible last night and found myself completely relaxed! I only listen to the news in the morning because that’s all I can handle. Self care definitely helps and walking away from things that make me sad, including people (unfortunately 
)
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Yeeeaaahhhh. I haven’t been really good at talking to friends, but I am good at flirting and making friends ONLINE. I just feel guilty sometimes because this is tough for everyone. I didn’t even know that my best friend’s bf was infected by COVID-19 (radiologist in New York) and that she’s super stressed from her job and that’s why we haven’t spoken much. She’s really afraid of losing her job.
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That sounds nice! I’m glad you were able to just chill for a bit. Things really are so stressful right now, especially for chronically ill/disabled people.
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Grounding sensations and exercises are a huge help when I’m going through a rough spot with my depression. I actually like to use a pinwheel I have for sensation play when I’m needing to ground myself, just lightly rolling it on my skin while doing a guided meditation I find helps keep me aware and present when my depressed brain just wants to numb out. Mine is smaller, but I use one of these: https://spectrumboutique.com/product/kink-spike-3-wheel-metal-pinwheel/
Scent is also huge for me. Florals (lilac!) and citrus are my go to scents when I want to perk up my senses to kind of shock my system in a sense.
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I always feel guilty reaching out to friends when I’m depressed, but also have to remind myself that by nature, that is part of depression. It isolates, so of course I’m feeling guilty because leaning on my support network goes against the very nature of depression and isolation. It’s going to fight me doing that. I try to challenge that and force myself to reach out, or if it’s giving me too much anxiety, I tell the folks that I’m comfortable telling “hey, I’m really struggling right now and it’s hard for me to reach out, can you check on me?”
So sorry about your best friend’s boyfriend, hope he is well soon. It is tough for everyone, just do what you can to support yourselves and others, reminding yourself that everyone is struggling to function a bit right now.
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I struggle with depression and body dysmorphia, so a lot of the time the two go hand-in-hand and 100% then affects my sex life with myself and partners.
I give myself space to feel, but try and keep myself from wallowing or hyper focusing on what I’m feeling. When I’m depressed, I feel very dissassociative from my body, so I make myself do things to get in touch with my physical self. Just even simple things like putting lotion on, stretching. Just feeling my body exist.
Also when I’m depressed I generally don’t want to be sexually active with a partner, and thankfully mine understands that. It’s a lot of solo play, and longer solo play with myself. And with no endgame so I don’t feel pressure to get off. Sometimes I’ll just touch my body for a long time and that’s it, sometimes it ends in masturbation. If it heads that way I’ll need some sort of visual stimulation to get me off since I’m a bit in my head at that point, so I always have a favorite video on the ready. For me, at that point the goal is just to feel in general and to feel good. For solo play when I’m depressed, adding in edibles has helped me a lot too. If you’re in a legal state, for me I’ve had a lot of success adding in pot into my sex life, both to help with chronic physical pain but also with depression. I stick to hybrids or indica, anything that gives me a great body high to heighten the physical sensation. Kiva El Camino gummies if you’re in California have been a favorite of mine, the watermelon lemonade ones give a great body high.
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Ugh depression is stupid and shouldn’t exist lol. I’m almost always depressed too so I feel like my friends are tired of me complaining all the time. I know if they truly love me, they don’t think that way, but the invasive thoughts overpower the positive things. I did exactly that, but on my Facebook timeline. I’m an erratic person so if I feel like it’s the right thing to do, I just do it. I got so many texts from people that I’VE helped in the past with their sex lives/trauma. It’s truly a cycle of support.
Yeah. I’m struggling but every day gets better and better, personally. I just hope there are more good people than bad when all of this is over.
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I’m so grateful for this thread right now!! It’s been a wonderful reminder to slow down and take care of myself. I took time today to have a nice meal and play with my new toys from Unbound Babes. Reading everyone’s tips for coping has been helpful.
Def. can relate to feeling like friends are tired of me complaining. I’ve been isolating a lot through this and I know it’s my depression, so just trying to keep reminding myself that is what it is, no one hates me, ha. Thankfully have a few friends who are in similar boats and we can be honest about those feelings, and it helps a lot. Allows me the space to be real with people I trust and who get it. That’s been such a godsend to have in life.
I try and remind myself the bad people always make the most noise, but the good people are there. I’m hoping the good shine more through all of this and after.
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