So since last night I’ve been in kind of a low point. My head just wouldn’t let a few things go. So I sat down and arm chair psychoanalys myself. I thought that if the reason I was sad was cause of lack of physical and emotional contact, maybe if I do something that simulates it I might feel better. I thought that if I did more then just use a vibe and more try to actually do something more physical I might feel better. I remembered I have a huge body pillow and I haven’t down any pillow grinding for a while. It gets my heart pumping and a bigger pillow might help me feel like someone is there. Unfortunately I had to psyche myself up to get off. I was worried that this all seemed to pathetic. That it would just bring up more fears and insecurities and I would feel worse. I was worried that simulating another person with a pillow just made me worthless and more alone. I eventually said screw it and tried my best. I’ll admit I was not the hardest I’ve ever been. As I started it felt bittersweet. It felt good once I got into a rhythm. It felt good to strip down and feel the cloth against me. It felt good to actually hold something and to feel pleasure. But at the same time my exact fears were in the back of my head. So I put on background noise, which was just random voices giving praise to me, and kept going. As I held the pillow in my arms I started feeling better. Eventually I got off of the riding position and went on my sides. Then I went on my back. My legs wrapped around pillow like my arms did. It was awkward at first but I kept grinding and using my legs and arms to move the pillow in rhythm. It honestly felt amazing. As I buried my head in the cloth and my arms locked tight, I swear I could feel arms holding me back. As I kept going and getting closer to climaxing, my fear and sorrow slowly melted away. My worry of not being good enough or being alone was replaced with my idea of me looking very hot and feeling sexy while doing it. I felt confident and part of me didn’t feel alone. I finished and even though I wasn’t hard like steal I came with a lot of force and it felt fantastic. It felt so good that I legit had to just lay on my back and catch my breath. I can already feel my mood coming back to normal so I should be fine. I really think that little therapy masterbation session really helped clear my head. The only down side is I feel bad staining a freshly cleaned pillow case.
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It’s great that you got to have that cathartic session! The pillow can always be washed again. Sounds like it was worth it to me!
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