Coping with the fact that your family knows you buy sex toys

so an EXTREMELY unfortunate series of events unfolded today involving my family ripping up boxes in the dumpster and finding the boxes of my sex toys, and now i feel ABSOLUTELY slimy and uncomfortable with the thought that they know that i actually use these items. they weren’t mad or anything, but i would have preferred they never find out.

so anyone in a similar situation PLEASE give me your advice on how to deal with this new awkwardness and discomfort, because i feel like not masturbating again for the rest of my life :sweat: :sweat:


I currently live with my mother and grandmother cause I don’t have the money to move out. They actually helped me buy my first toy. It was extremely uncomfortable but once it came and I knew how good it felt, I honestly just didn’t care. It was my pleasure and my joy and it made me happy. So it didn’t matter that much what they knew. They don’t care, my mom just hates talking about it, which is understandable. But my grandma literally doesn’t care. I guess my advice is, knowing they don’t mind and remembering it’s for your pleasure and it’s used on your body, it’s not shameful. If you can remember it’s your body and it makes you feel good, that might outweigh the awkwardness. Hope this helps.


Damn that does sound pretty awkward! As someone that has experienced exactly that before, I think it can be important to emphasize how important a toy is for your pleasure and how there is nothing to be ashamed of in regards to any self-pleasure. I have actually had to “school” my mom in terms of pleasure so there is more of a comfortability with the situation.


oh man you’re lucky that your family is actually supportive of you! the tension in the air today has been thick, and it doesn’t really help that i’m not on the best terms with my step father, we’re barely on speaking terms. i’m in the same situation as you, i don’t have the money to afford my own place so i’m stuck here for now lolll

i feel like maybe i wouldn’t feel so weird if they knew and i wasn’t living with them? like, i think the thing that gets me is that i’m using them in their house and they know, idk i can’t really put it into words but i think that’s what’s making me feel weird.

but as much as this sucks, i DEFINITELY could have not picked a better way for them to find out. i think them finding them or walking in on me using them would be INFINITELY worse, so i guess i’m grateful for that. i at least know i did all i could to avoid them finding out, and it was just a weird coincidence that my step father was… digging in the dumpster for some reason


my mother barely said anything about it, she was just like “he found what you bought, just try and rip up your boxes before you throw them away” and i plan to keep it at just that lollll. i would preferably not involve them in anything involving that, so i don’t plan on expanding on it any further with them


Oh man, that sucks. Sorry that happened.

Not that it makes the situation any easier to tolerate, but try and remember that everyone (for the most part) masturbates and has sex, and a large percentage of those folks use toys they either buy or DIY. Our parents do it, our grandparents do it, our own kids if we have them will do it. It’s just part of being a human for the most part. And any shame or guilt or embarrassment we feel around sex toys and masturbation is unfortunate and a cultural issue. Which is SO dumb, because it’s such a natural common part of life!

I think the discomfort is something you just have to sit through and it will pass hopefully soon enough, but trying to remind yourself that masturbation is normal (and actually healthy) helps. And if you’re feeling judgement at all, try and recognize that’s a cultural thing to feel judged about this stuff, we’re told to feel that way when it comes to sex and it’s BS.

As for the awkwardness, I don’t know your situation, but honestly the first time my mom found my toys (she was helping me move in college and found my toy bag in my closet) I was mortified, but she could have cared less. She laughed and told my Dad (I screamed “MOM!”) and my Dad responded “well, it’s not like I didn’t know already you had hands and raised you through puberty.” HA. Their response helped me realize that the awkwardness I was feeling was really my own, they could have cared less. In fact later my mom actually said she was proud of me for taking care of myself because she wouldn’t have had the confidence to do so at my age. Even if your parent/step-parent aren’t as casual as mine, I’d venture a guess that, as long as they aren’t super conservative or religious, they don’t really care.


That’s always embarrassing!

I am “lucky” in that I have a whack of medical conditions featuring my uterus, vagina and pelvis, so when my mom, a left-leaning, liberal-voting woman with a conservative and religious heart, found out I use sex toys, I chose to just own it and explained that they really helped me physically. Not sure what she’s going to say about the friskier stuff if she ever finds out I’m interested in that (strap-ons and butt-plugs with tails, oh my) but yeah…

I think their reaction is a good sign that all of this will blow over without a hitch if it hasn’t already. Sounds like they are trying to spare you your blushes tbh. In the end, more people use toys and have sex than we’ll ever realize because most - not all but most - of us are secretive of our intimate times.