Introducing Partner to more sexual items

Is there a way that people find more comfortable to introduce their partner to newer sexual items, I.e. vibes, restraints, butt plugs, nipple clamps???

1 Like

I’ve found that a great way to introduce new items and ideas is to browse online shops together! I find this works well for my shy partner and I. It helps make everything a lot more relaxed and comfortable when I can be like “wanna check out some toys online with me? We can look together!” Or “I saw a new toy online that I thought you might be interested in. Can I show you?”

3 Likes

I am the shy partner in my relationship, and my gf is definitely more kinky than I am. I sometimes feel bad when we go shopping together and she wants to buy nipple clamps or rope, and I know I wouldn’t want to use them. We have found some items to spice it up a bit (nipple tinglers, massage oil) so it might be good to start with something less intimidating! My recommendation is to remind your partner that you will get pleasure out of introducing items (I am more likely to try something if I know my partner will really like it). If they don’t like it on the first try they may like it on the second. It may just take time. Most importantly, communicate, and make sure they are feeling comfortable and safe.

Opening up a dialogue with your partner about consent, boundaries, and fears/insecurities is always a good place to start. Sometimes for someone who is new to sex toys they may feel nervous (how do I use this?, what will it feel like?, am I doing this right?, what if I don’t like it?). I’ve found that sharing my experiences and interests with my partners has helped mitigate this nervousness and also helped them feel eager to share their questions and desires.

You could go to a sex toy shop or browse online and demonstrate to your partner the kind of conversation you want to have. For example “I love the feeling of being restrained during sex but only my arms/wrists; I don’t like the idea of having my entire body movement constricted. These restraints look like they would be exciting to use.” or “I love these kinds of vibrators because they do X but these aren’t my favorite because Y.” This can then eventually lead into asking your partner their thoughts, and hopefully they will have an idea of how to share their boundaries as well as their desires because they’ve had the opportunity to hear you demonstrate doing so.

The XConfessions app is a really cool way to approach talking about kinks and turn-ons with partners of differing interests and experiences. It was created by porn/erotic film director Erika Lust and she writes " The XConfessions App can be used for those couples who want to discover some new kinks and spice things up in their sex life." You get to swipe right/left on cards that describe various fantasies, and you get to see which cards you and your partner(s) both swiped right on.

Yes, No, Maybe So is also a great sexual inventory/consent list created by Heather Corinna and CJ Turett. It contains a detailed list of types of sexual, intimate, and physical interactions and helps individuals and/or partners communicate their interests and establish boundaries.

Another fun thing to do is watch porn or read erotica together. Depending on how comfortable your partner is with sharing their curiosities you could either just ask them if they are interested in trying x, y, or z. Alternatively, you could use it as an opportunity to share your desires (e.g., “that’s so hot, I’ve always wanted someone to do X to me” or “that’s fun to watch but I have no interest in participating in Y” etc.) and this may create a space where your partner feels more comfortable sharing theirs.

You can also follow up these initial conversations with further questions like: what excites you about this toy?, what are you unsure about?, would you want to use this on me or have me use it on you?, is there anything your nervous or curious about?, etc.

2 Likes

https://mojoupgrade.com/ is a good site to see what each other are into! Maybe browse together and ask their opinion on an item.

Yes! I recommend scheduling a sex talk/date. Make it sexy and be open to negotiation.
“If you restrain me, I’ll do ______”
Just tell to them. :slight_smile:

2 Likes

I find that these conversations are most productive when brought about in a time where sex in in the air already. Those times when the evening is winding down, your focus is on one another and the day’s connectivity is at its strongest. Approaching with something like “ I came across this amazing sex positive shop on Instagram and they have some highly review products and even some blogs to talk about which ones are best and this got me thinking that we are leaving lots of fun on the table, would you want to look through their store and order something with me?” This pits you both in an active role and takes the pressure off of your partner to randomly pick an object. If you were going to work on a car you wouldn’t just grab a random tool blindly from a tool box, you would educate yourself as to your needs and select the tool best suited for the job :+1:t2:

2 Likes

My boyfriend and I were on a date downtown and I suggested we check out the lingerie store (which further back is a sex toy shop), and led him to the back and browsed around. We giggled at the things that were out of both of our comfort zones, which made him more interested in other things.

1 Like

We will definitely have to try all of these out and she’s what shake a loose