Bisexual but never seen another vagina

Hi everyone!
I just created this account, for some reason I didn’t know places like this exist! So I’m happy to be here.
I’ve been bisexual my whole life, but have only been with people with penises. I’ve always been attracted to people with vaginas, but have never felt comfortable pursuing them until the last couple years. Every time I’m getting close with someone who has a vagina, I chicken out and stop seeing them. I get crazy amounts of anxiety thinking about it, even though I really want them. I have a vagina myself, and I’m not exactly scared of being “bad” in bed, but the uncharted territory frightens me.
I was hoping you all might have some advice on how to calm my nerves, and maybe how to communicate with my future partners my lack of experience without scaring them off.
If I’m using this forum wrong I’m so sorry!! I couldn’t tell with the categories thing.
Sending of lovin in this hard time :heart:


Hello and welcome! We’re so happy you are here too :slight_smile:

So, as a queer woman myself with only little experience with a partner with a vagina (most of mine have penises too), I 100% get how daunting it can be! The unknown is scary! And sure, we have a vagina so we get it and all, but that also means we intimately understand how what works for ours won’t work for others. So it totally can be intimidating.

I think what it comes down to it, and this is repeated a lot when it comes to discussions on here, communication is key. And exploration/getting comfortable before that moment of when you’re diving in (pun intended, ha).

If you are nervous about scaring someone off (although, if they don’t want to be candid and discuss these things, then maybe they aren’t deserving of you in the first place), I would enter the conversation by asking them what turns them on, what they like. Take mental notes. Ask them to show you, to guide you and give you direction. You don’t have to apologize for your inexperience (which not sure if that is what you do, but I’ve defaulted to that) but rather reframe it as wanting them to help you understand what they want and make them feel good.

As for nerves, what works for me is prepping however I can. Which means watching some of my favorite performers for direction, touching myself in different ways and seeing how my body reacts, even just reading up on basic anatomy to better understand fully what I’m working with, which a lot of us don’t think about all the time. And practice! Think of how you’d approach another person with toys and touch yourself that way. Although we can’t go down on ourselves (I wish, ha), you can use props to practice what you would do, play around with your tongue and get used to rhythm and motions.

And if nothing else, remember that nerves aren’t a bad thing! They can be energizing and exciting if you lean into it, especially if you know going in some moves you want to try out and if you are with a partner you feel comfortable communicating with!


I’ve been in a similar situation, I am also a queer woman but for a long time I had only been with ppl with vaginas! Very scared of men for a while but I knew I was bi? Strange time. Feeling inexperienced was the scariest part of experimenting for me. I think that sometimes confiding in your partner about your worries can reduce anxiety <3 Communication is key!