So off the bat I’m going to say this, it is 3am and I am slightly emotional so forgive me for rambling so I’ll try and control myself.
So… I kinda just sexted for the first time. Was it the best possible situation? Probably not. Was it fun? A lot yes. I won’t get into it to much, basic sexting between a sub and dom. They told me what to do, o did it, they give me praise. Rinse and repeat until I finish. This was, so new and such a new feeling to me. I felt this high like I’ve never felt before. For the first time I really let myself feel vulnerable and just let go and submitted to someone else’s desires. It was such a strong feeling. I felt safe and cared for, I felt like I was actually close to someone else. I was actually so shocked at this new feeling it was actually kinda hard to stay erect and I had to work a little harder. Performance anxiety I guess? The point is by the end I felt amazing and had like 3 different people calling me pet names over text. I felt amazing. So why am I awake at 3am and emotional? Well the best word I can think of is withdrawal. For the past like four hours I’ve been feeling this growing feeling of… emptiness. I feel it on two levels. Level one is me realizing to the other three people, this was just some fun, it was making someone feel good and that’s it. But to me it was so much more. It was a feeling of joy and safeness and security, a feeling like another person finally showing they care and be kind to me in both a human decency way and a sexual way. It was the slow realization something that meant very little to one person, was a massive high and feeling of comfort for me. It was the slow realization this was… just me getting attached too easily. The second level of why this sucks, is cause I don’t feel it anymore. I felt this amazing high and once it started to fade, I felt alone and almost scared in a way. I’ve read that when some people have sex for the first time, they get this incredible emotional response of loneliness and needing comfort. That they were so intimate with someone they almost break in a way? I think I have that even though no one actually touched me. I just feel alone and scared and I just want to be held and just told I’m ok. I feel like if I was in someone’s arms I would have been asleep 3 hours ago. I was given such a fake and glorified, perverted version of intimate affection that I got addicted instantly and now that I don’t have more I feel… tired and almost pathetic. I just want more but I know I can’t. If this is what I feel when just read some smutty texts… I honestly don’t want to actually have sex cause I’m scared of how much it will hurt. Today I feel like… I feel like I took a step forward and three back. As soon as I’m done writing this I’m going to lay down cause I just don’t want to think about this anymore. What was supposed to feel amazing has just hurt more and more. If anyone has anything to say or any experience or whatever, I’d appreciate it. Sorry for ranting on a usually positive place… I definitely have to take this up with my therapist cause… man this hurts… sorry, I hope this didn’t take up too much if your time. Thank you for reading.
Update: I had a random therapy session with someone familiar with the DDLG scene. They say I experienced a very strong emotional attachment to to the feeling of care and being cared for and that feeling was temporary and I craved more. I was exposed to a brand new level of intimacy and that when it ended it made the lack of that intimacy even more apparent. They suggested finding someone who’d be willing to sext more often or just be there more for the intimacy. They said this person doesn’t really need to be in a romantic relationship but more of a service dog that can help. He also said I’m probably having such a strong reaction cause it’s very easy to feel alone at night. Nothing like talking through tears to a random stranger am I right?
First off, that is an amazing first step to take in regards to your sexuality AND your mental health! You really need to give yourself credit when credit is due, and I definitely think some celebration is in order haha you were very brave to be intimate in that way, even if it was just through text. I understand that feeling of loneliness and emptiness after experiencing intimacy, as I would feel that way with someone I used to sext when I would feel almost used for his sexual gratification. I doubt that’s the same experience it was for you, but I can empathize with that high feeling and that dropping to that low, emotional realm. I actually think you might have experienced a form of sub drop, which usually occurs after an intense BDSM experience and requires aftercare. Aftercare is a very essential aspect of BDSM, but it really is a necessity for any sexual experience. Just checking in with that person and reassuring them and comforting them. Did the people you were sexting provide some source of aftercare? If you were to do this again, I would recommend asking the people you are sexting for reassurance, comfort, and a safe space. You can even provide aftercare for yourself and do comforting things that make you feel good and assure a more balanced mental and physical state. I hope this helps 
Also, I don’t know about you but I LOVE ASMR! It can actually really help if you just want another presence to help ground you. I like to fall asleep to it when I feel lonely because hearing a comforting, soft spoken voice just helps me to ease out of that feeling of loneliness. Also, there is personal attention ASMR that can help you feel cared for by someone else. These are my top favorites and would highly recommend them!!
Gentle Whispering ASMR
itsblitzzz ASMR
Chynaunique ASMR
Freckle 23 ASMR
Latte ASMR
ASMRMagic
Thank you, that helps a lot. Honestly I’ve heard of sub and dom drop. It honestly didn’t occur to me that I might have had sub drop, it but makes sense since I was very much the sub in that experience.
And man I didn’t even think of after care. We sorta just finished and started talking to other people. Maybe if I had some aftercare I possibly wouldn’t have spiraled so much. Thank you very much, this helped a lot. And I admit I guess it was kinda brave of me for doing something like that. I guess I did make some progress huh? Again thank you.
Lucid already covered a lot of great stuff, but agree on aftercare! Was just talking about that on another thread and in therapy. I think a lot of folks don’t think about aftercare in general, or asking a partner up front “hey, I’ll need this from you.” But totally ok in the future to tell a partner that you need that, and if they can’t give you what you need, then call it off.
I think sex, with many things in life, in a series of trial and error. Doing something that makes you feel vulnerable, and when it doesn’t work out it sucks and hurts, but then trying to remind yourself that hey, the experience was data and you learn something from it so that future you will know what you need to change so it doesn’t happen again the exact same way. And big kudos to you for doing that! It’s hard to be vulnerable and put yourself in a position where you can’t control the outcome, a lot of folks avoid it in many aspects of their lives. Now you know what you need in the future, and sure you might still get hurt or have an experience and go “oh, that doesn’t work for me,” but you’ll learn and build from that as well. Knowledge truly is power 
Thank you so much! This all has been so helpful and I wish I knew all this so much. @lucid_dreaming was especially helpful in teaching me what sub drop is. And thankfully since then I’ve been very clear about wanting aftercare and the doms I talk too are very supportive. Honestly I’m glad I got to experience and learn from this. And honestly I’m very proud of myself for letting myself be so Vulnerable and I found how wonderful it is to submit. And now that I know to ask and be more up upfront about aftercare, it’s so much fun!
Yayyy! I’m so happy for you Jason! 
So it’s been a week so how is it going? Do I feel comfortable? Have things gotten better? Well it’s time for an update! So I actually started talking to multiple doms and subs and honestly we talk more like friends that occasionally sext? Like they started following my art account and sending memes and we just talk about games and anime and DnD, so I’ve actually made a decent friend group! Also I’ve had a massive boost of confidence being around people so open with not just sex but also just geek stuff. Like I’ve actually sent my first kinda nude? But I didn’t feel pressured or anxious or fearful! I felt safe and confident! Also for the longest time I was worried my praise kink was like selfish? But then I practiced it and I just feel nice and warm and cared for! So yeah I’ve legitimately just found a fun and caring friend group that occasionally talks dirty to me. So yeah, things are good!
That’s awesome!!! So happy to hear this
Thats amazing! I aspire to have a friend group like that of my own some day 