I’ve wanted to be with 2 men for a DP for a long time now, and have not been able to successfully approach the topic with potential partners. What are best tips or resources? I want to be with partners I already know in social circles, not looking for strangers on apps. If you are partnered or single, what is the best way to orchestrate this fantasy?
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Hi platinumkitten, welcome to the Forum!
So, I mainly can speak from experience discussing play with a partner vs. being single. The key for me has been honesty, setting (and adjusting as needed) boundaries for others and myself, and just a lot of checking in with myself on what I need. As corny as it sounds, communication is key!
The first hurdle to me is just assessing what your partner is into. Or if single if this is something a person in your social group would be open to. You don’t have to straight up ask if they want to DP you, just get a general idea of what they are into sexually. Are they open to being with more than one person at a time? What is a hard no for them? Just talking about sex in general can be stressful, even with folks in your social circle. Just starting to talk about dating, what you are looking for, etc. can open up the discussion and give you clarity, and I find is a good way to ease into talking about more specific stuff.
Once you have someone in mind that you think would be interested, honestly? Just be honest and up front with them about what you are wanting. Something along the lines of “hey, I really feel comfortable with you and enjoy your company, and there are things I’d like to explore with myself and others who I feel comfortable with, is X thing something you have ever thought about?” See how they respond, you can usually get a feel about things once you open that door.
Personally I have found more success in local communities of folks looking for like-minded play vs. my direct social circle. Although there is some overlap between the two for me. I just find it easier to communicate what I want and take pressure off myself if I’m already talking to someone who is looking for something similar. And if nothing happens (or it does and is meh) there is no chance of residual awkwardness (I’m awkward, ha) in the friendship. Although ideally that is something you can address because hey, we’re all adults and if things don’t go accordingly no reason to let it sour a friendship.
But yeah, I find that anything involving more than my partner takes planning and lots of communication from everyone involved. From boundaries to logistics to safety. But once you cover your bases, it can be a lot of fun!
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Open communication, watch movies or read erotica about the topic. My wife had several threesomes before we were married and when she told me about them I wanted to see her enjoying the attention of two guys at once…our threesomes are all about her but communication is key. Starting off with friends is a good way to go but likely it will change that dynamic forever but at last you know a little about him. Best of luck, it’s a great part of our sex life.
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Me and my ex wanted to do the same thing, but couldn’t find a third. I didn’t want to ask a friend, so we tried bars and clubs. But after dancing and flirting with a guy, she would tell him I was there, and what we were looking for with no luck. We even tried once where she took just him home and slept with him, telling him we had an open relationship. However, he was unwilling to do a 3 way. Best of luck to u though. I used a dildo on my gf to give her an idea what DP would feel like and she did enjoy that.
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