Sex & Roommates: What To Do?

Hey guys,
So recently my roommates confronted me about my partner and I having sex while they’re home. They asked that we don’t have sex when they are in the living room because our room is just above them and our bed is not the quietest or most stable. (Ironically, we have all been roommates for over 5 months, with my partner and I’s sexual habits remaining the same, and this being the first time they have ever said anything. But who knows, they could have just kept quiet in the past out of fear they would embarrass us.)

I completely respect the request from our roommates though as I would feel the same. However, one of our roommates’ daily activities have changed to where instead of joining her partner in the basement from 5PM to 2AM playing video games, she sits on the living room couch watching TV or playing on her phone during those times. Everyday.

Now it feels as if there is no appropriate time for my partner and I to be intimate. My partner has suggested having sex in the bathroom as it is not above the living room, but (1) I don’t enjoy standing to have sex, (2) The bathroom has a thin door and is right in front of the stairwell where people walk through, and (3) Showers make for a dangerous playground without necessary precautions.

I feel weird approaching her to ask when a good time would be for my partner and I to have sex because that is personal and shouldn’t be asked of her, but I feel at a loss because now I get self-conscious every time my partner and I initiate sexual contact. I worry that the bed will be too loud or that they’ll hear us through the vents. It is to the point that we can’t even choose to solely reserve intimate contact for weekends because our roommate is in the living room constantly.

If you’ve encountered a similar problem or have any advice for this situation I would appreciate it! You could even recommend an inexpensive bed frame that is quiet and doesn’t move around from your experience (we are in a desperate search at the moment) or ways to soundproof our room. (Note: We have wood floors so our bed constantly slides, which is extremely annoying)

Sharehouse life, am I right? It seems unfair that your housemate confronted you about it, let alone asked you to not have sex when they’re in the loungeroom, like um? Turn the Tv up? Hot tip if you have room in your bedroom: put the mattress on the ground, and a towel/blanket/whatever along the bottom of the door. Traps sounds and floor sex super fun.
Good luck with your housemates!

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Thank you for the help! :blush:

When we first started dating we actually used to have sex on my partner’s bed which was directly on the floor, but his mattress was absolutely horrible (it had dips from the spring getting caught & was dirty from years of use). Our current bed frame is falling apart so we may have to do that anyway. I just don’t want to be directly on the floor for long because my partner tracks in dirt from work and our roommates have cats that we’re both really allergic to (and the cat hair gets literally everywhere ugh).

But the towel/blanket under the door is a good idea. I’ve thought about getting one of those things that slide under the door frame and are usually used to keep outside air from coming in.

Hmm, maybe if I got a thick rug and one of those rug gripper pads to put under the bed, it might absorb at least a bit of the sound/movement too. Do you think it might be better as well to just get a second mattress to put under our regular one to raise the bed from the floor a bit? I feel like a box spring directly on the floor might make more noise than a second thick mattress.

Hey :slight_smile:

I would reccomend putting your matress on top of pallets, it looks cute and its a good alternative to frames or floor.
Anyway maybe have another conversation with your roomates, because I think your thoughts are very valuable. My roommate also was one time freaking out because friends of us had sex on our common couch, and I couldnt really argue against it, because its no big deal at all for me but I cannot judge her feelings about sex being very private. Its hard to come to terms with people having other emotions linked to certain topics.

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Thank you very much for the suggestions!

I’m beginning to think I should approach my roommate about the situation since it’s taking a toll on my partner and I’s intimate life. Unfortunately though, my roommate disclosed to me today that she realized for the last few weeks she has subconsciously settled into depressive and isolating tendencies because it’s near the anniversary of her mother’s death. This makes sense because she has only started sitting in the living room for the last month or so. My roommate is already a homebody and doesn’t like to go out so these depressive moods only amplify her desire to stay home on the couch. She was very close to her mother so I can sympathize with her desire to be alone and not really want to do anything.

But now I just feel conflicted because I don’t want to make a comment if she is going through a tough space and wants to be alone in the living room, but I also don’t want my partner and I’s sexual life to take a toll. Obviously my partner and I can engage in sexual activities other than penetration but sometimes that is an act explicitly desired, which makes it disappointing to either say no to my partner or to deny myself of my own desires.

Maybe I will just speak with my partner and wait things out a few more weeks until our roommate starts getting out of her depressed state. I suppose in that time we could always try and learn new things.