hi, i’m a t4t trans guy here. I’ve been with cis guys before i transitioned, but ive never been with another trans guy before. I do know that a lot of good sex comes from communication, but i want to at least have some understanding of what to do or try before i end up taking someone to bed
How do i properly finger a guy? how do i use a strap on with finesse instead of just thrusting into something? how do i make anal pleasurable for someone without a prostate?
i’m a service top and so it’s important to me that i know a few good things to try and see if the other person likes it. if anyone has answers from their own experience, or some sort of blog or anything they could direct me to that would be really wonderful 
<3 thank you!
Hey @bug_fern gotta say that seeing your post just filled my t4t transmasc heart with excitement and joy! I’m excited for you!
Like you said, all sex is based on good communication, but I want to share some tips on communication that are specific in t4t situations, at least in my experience.
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Don’t make any assumptions about what someone is into or not into based on their gender. Some guys really like front hole penetration and some aren’t interested in that at all. Some guys are super into anal, and some aren’t. Ask before you touch.
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We all talk about our bodies differently. Follow their lead with what words they use to talk about their body, and be proactive about using the words that feel right for you. Ask before you use words that might come across as gendered to talk about someone’s body.
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I find that asking things like “how do you like to be touched, where do you like to be touched, do you bottom for xyz activities, do you top in xyz ways” is a good way to get conversation started, pick up language that the other person uses to talk about sex and their body, and to learn what are turn ons and turn offs.
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Really important - don’t project your own preferences or insecurities onto each other. Something I’ve experienced that feels really specific to t4t hookups is that sometimes guys will make assumptions about what I’m not into based on what they’re not into, or sometimes will do some comparing of bodies that feels less affirming and more competitive - that doesn’t feel hot.
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in terms of your specific questions, re: fingering - everyone likes different types of stimulation. Use a lot of lube, I can’t emphasize that enough. Regardless of the body someone is in, lube always helps, and specifically for folks who have had a hysto or are on T, sometimes self lubrication isn’t super abundant and sometimes the internal tissues can be really sensitive, so a good moisturizing lube like Sliquid Satin is a safe bet. Start small, and work your way up - starting with one finger and going slow and asking the other person to tell you if they want more, want you to go harder or faster usually works. Fingers curved up toward the front of the body and a “come hither” motion is great for g-spot stimulation if they’re into that. Remember to stay attentive to body language and ask for direction. And if they tell you they like something, keep doing it!
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strap ons: part of using your strap on confidently is getting the right harness that fits you well and has a lot of stability. In terms of adjustable harnesses, I really like the Aslan Jaguar Harness and the Spareparts Joque. Strap on tips: find positions as the harness wearer in which you feel really stable and have room to move and/or something to hold on to. Remember you’re not just thrusting from your pelvis. Engage your lower body, core, and arms for better control. And build up a rhythm, don’t start at 100, work your way up. Try different positions. Remember that when you angle someone’s legs closer to their chest, that creates a good angle to hit their g-spot or prostate than if they’re laying flat. If you’re unsure about what angles they like, encourage them to move around into a position that feels good. Using a position pillow like a Wedge or a Doggystyle Strap can help make holding pleasurable positions more comfortable.
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Anal can feel awesome regardless of whether someone has a prostate. Use plenty of lube and figure out what about ass play they like. Do they like having something in their ass and just keeping still, like a butt plug? Do they like in and out penetration? If so, start off with fingers before you move on to something bigger to get a sense of the length and girth their butt can accommodate. A hybrid toy that combines attributes of a butt plug, anal beads, and can even be used for in and out penetration is the Tantus Ripple. I love that thing! It’s great for warm up and also gives you room to grow. I also highly recommend the Njoy Pure Plugs. These stainless steel plugs have a nice curve and go in pretty smoothly. The curve can be pointed toward the front of the body, just like they would in someone with a prostate. You can indirectly stimulate the g-spot this way. Also, they might be into vibration - it can feel more intense in the backdoor than the front door. If you have a vibrating plug or dildo, you can start by stimulating their anus externally and then inserting the toys. Rimming and external vibration also can feel really good. Remember that anything you put in someone’s ass should have a flared base so it doesn’t get lost in there.
Everyone loves a good service top, and it seems like you’re doing your research to do right by the people you sleep with, that’s dope! Remember to bring that energy to your negotiation with potential partners. Incorporate it into your dirty talk, sexting, etc. Being a good listener and taking direction enthusiastically are great tools for being a great lay.
And feel free to come back here if you have more questions!
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Thank you so much this was exactly what i was looking for !!
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