Dating while disabled

I have a FWB that I’ve developed feelings and I told him. This was after an incident where he posted in his ig stories about how much he misses his partner WHILE I WAS ASLEEP NEXT TO HIM; I saw it in the morning. I was pissed and I expressed that that wasn’t okay. He deleted it right away and I rushed to leave his house. A few hours later, I texted him about my feelings and if he didn’t reciprocate, then give me a couple of days to get over this crush (I get over crushes very easily). 2 days later, I hit him up and he explained why he did it. Not going to go into detail, but he and his primary have been having troubles recently.
Now that everything is fine between him and I, things haven’t really been the same.
We used to text everyday. It was a given. Now we barely talk. I feel used and I’ve been used a lot for my body. That has always been a thing before I became disabled; people (usually men) just pump and dump. I haven’t been in a long-term relationship with someone since before my disability. As someone with a lot of confidence, this is not me.


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Any time you are engaging with someone in a non monogamous setting your are going to have to do some serious work. These types of relationships are the most intense and difficult to navigate. If someone has a “primary” partner then you have to go into that knowing that they are in a hierarchical relationship and that their relationship is GOING to take priority over the relationship you have with them. If they were having issues prior to the two of you engaging in intimacy it would only be natural for them to feel a sense of guilt and begin to “miss” their primary partner. If this is a non consensual non monogamous situation then things are completely different. The thing that helps me navigate these areas come from an understanding that love is not in scarcity and that my partner loving someone else would only increase their capacity for love. Much the same way that when mother gives birth to a second child it in no way diminishes the love they feel for their fist born. I hope something in there helps.

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Their relationship is non-monogamous, BUT his partner started to get feelings for a FWB and they have couple’s therapy soon.

I didn’t even know he had a partner until i followed him on social media. It was never advertised on his hinge profile and he never mentioned any partner. I just assumed he was single because he was in a “monogamous” relationship.

NOW he told me that his partner is in a RELATIONSHIP with another person and he is still upset with her because she changes his plans with him right before to hang out with her other partner.

But I guess they’re fine now.

It sounds like you are pretty good at communication…probably better than this guy. It can be hard to be in a relationship that is open/ poly/ non-monogamous, I have been there as well. I’d suggest just asking why your communication has fizzled, maybe he has developed feelings for you as well and he’s nervous about telling his primary partner. There are many possibilities! I hope he is honest enough to explain to you his side of the story.