Top leaning switch here, I came on here for advice on learning to be more dominant with my boyfriend while we are sexting/having sex. I tend to be on the softer and sweet side when it comes to intimate times like that because I have a lot of love towards him and I care about him a lot, but he wants me to be more rough and mean to him. He feels satisfied when I degrade him and just be more dominant in general. I have no problem with it, it is just that I would like to properly learn how I can be more dominant and mean for his sexual pleasures, because I like it when he submits to me. basically, how can I be more dominant with passion?
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So, it sounds like you might not need a 101 type of guide, but The New Topping Book is perfect for that if you do! I’d also check out As Kinky as You Wanna Be, because it focuses more on becoming a kinky person and the roles within that vs. practical how to guide for specific types of play.
@MakeUpAndSin also has a really great dirty talk guide, and she has a few lines for doms in that article as well which would be great for working on sexting!
I’m a switch as well, and it’s def. been more a challenge for me to lean into my dominant side, which my partner wants. I found that for me, working on my relationship and control with my own body, and getting more confident in that, helped me transfer that to our play together to bring out the Dom in me. Also when I’m struggling to get into the headspace, it helps me to treat it like roleplaying, I’m bringing out a part of me that isn’t the usual way I act, but it’s fun to put on and try.
If you have access to a dungeon and the $ to do so, a lot of professional dominatrix offer teaching sessions for partners as well. I’ve actually been eyeing one at our local dungeon, it’s a safe space to have a professional help show you the ropes and encourage you as needed.
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