Fear of Being Caught Having Sex


Hello all!!

I have a past sexual trauma where I was caught by my sister giving non-consensual oral to a past partner and ever since I haven’t been comfortable being intimate (even kissing) with partners in public or semi-public spaces. This fear doesn’t just stop with being in public though. I have been alone with a partner in their apartment and still feared their roommate would come home and see us.

There is no immediate danger in what I’m doing & I have talked to my partners about this trauma, but I still feel terrible about these feelings.

The plus side to quarantine is that I have some more time to figure out these feelings before any of my new partners and I have sex for the first time.

Posting this to see if any others can relate & give me any advice. <3

Sending well wishes to all during this time!


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Your asking the right questions and your willingness to work through it is a great space to start so know your on the right track and honor yourself for being exactly where you need to be with this. First let me say that I am not a mental health physician, I can only offer my personal intuition derived from my own journey of healing. Trauma happens when we are taken suddenly in chaos. Chaos is another word for the unknown, going from the known to the unknown in the blink of an eye sends us into a place where we have no tools for compartmentalizing or working through the gigantic number of variables we are faced with. Our limbic system takes over and our bodies go into fight flight or freeze, sending signals all over our body to pair down the systems and get ready for battle, the logical brain is then taking inputs from the body instead of the other way around which is the way we need it to be. EMDR therapy can be very helpful for the reset of these conditions and professional help is most always going to be the greatest option. As far as starting the work on your own I have found great strength in owning the me that is here and now and having no shame in my game. If it doesn’t serve me in the path I’m on then it doesn’t get to stay. This means stoping negative thought spirals dead in their tracks the second they show up. I have a system set up that every negative thought that shows up is a automatic response for a positive affirmation. It will feel forced at first and it should but after some practice it will become second nature. Track your progress and when you find that you have given yourself a little space honor that and let it be fuel to push you onward!

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