2 hookups 1 week. First time

Story timeeeeeee

The first one was funny, first time, trying to figure stuff out.

I told him I was a virgin.

His eyes wide, he said “I’m sorry I’m bad. My dick won’t pleasure you.

I just comforted him, and said we could stop. But he insisted, and I wasn’t going to stop him lol. But yeah nothing. We did other stuff but it felt like stuff I could do alone.

When I took off the condom there was cum in it, and he said he didn’t even noticed he came. (I don’t care but this is important to know for the next story)

Second date.

I love to make sure my dates have good food enough to hydrate, and to be as comfortable and clean. So I set up. Even to the point of setting out towels and toiletries.

This second date sucked.

It started off great, making out, food, then because I was interested to get to know him more, I asked if this was something where we don’t chat afterwards or if we can keep talking? And he couldn’t give me an answer and just said, “I just go with the flow.” It just seemed like a vague response. So we start getting into it, when he touched my vagina I started to cry so yay trauma response. I took a second and went back to it.
It came time to penetrate. And he struggled to do so. We tried different positions, and it went in but I only felt it for a little bit and couldn’t really feel anything. I’m fat so maybe that was the difficulty?

We then decided to take a break, took off the condom and it was filled with cum. He was super confused and I was like that’s alright. Like cum happens.

So is it my condoms? (Skyn latex free)The same reaction happened to two different men? I did use toys on their dick and neither of them had that before. Has this happened to anyone else?

So his energy is different, I can sense this switch and I ask him if he’s all right. And he keeps saying yes. But something seemed off but i just stopped pushing it. Then he asked me how old I was. Which I told him on chat and it’s on my profile. I asked him why that seemed important to him and he just shrugged it off.

So we’re snuggling and he asks if I could suck his dick without a condom, I said yes though I do have oral herpes, I don’t have any active, but I just feel it’s good to communicate that.(maybe I should have said this In the beginning? Didn’t think of it because there’s no active cold sores.)

So he didn’t like this. And then I was like “it’s not like a really bad std” just panic was setting in cause I was feeling embarrassed. And he snapped “um oral herpes are for sure an std!” And I just started to stumble over my words because I started to second guess all my knowledge. And i explained how i talked to my gyno before the trip to ask about it and they explained it to me. And when i went to lean in for a kiss he jerked his head away.

I then went to go google it and he said “please don’t bother.” He kept snuggling me and I said “ I feel like I just made everything really awkward and uncomfortable.” He replied “no you’re just really sweet and cute”

(I’m missing out a lot of other convo but I don’t think it’s super important for the key moments)

I felt so little, dumb and disgusting. I was in a moment of numbness. I’m raging and he’s still snuggling me. Even before we started he kept saying I can do anything to his body, and I was doing stuff and communicating and he just was like “yeah! Whatever you want.” And I felt like this was very one sided in pleasure. Like he found my clit, fingered me for a bit, sucked my tits. And doggy style, but it didn’t feel like the amount of energy I was bringing. Like it started that way and then he didn’t keep it at that level.

Honestly I felt like I made a sacred beautiful space to share energy and bodies, and he just stormed through it. He was thankful for all of it, and kept saying how cute I was. But it felt stale.

So because I feel this way I feel like I was in the wrong. My old triggers are telling me next time I need to shut up and just give the person 110% and make sure their completely satisfied. And I hate how ingrained this thinking is.

When he left he started to kiss me again? And I just stood there like yep bye night, and when he left I fucking broke down. Angry sad, annoyed, scared.

Two hook ups in one week and neither could fuck me. I never finished. I didn’t communicate this well because I panicked responded and told them it was all great. But they couldn’t get their dicks in my vagina. And I feel like something is wrong, like why do their dicks just pop out? And one point he was saying he got it in, and fucking me hard, but it was literally laying between my labia and on my clit.

I’m looking for sex educators thoughts on what I did wrong, or right. What to do better next time. I’m tired.

Thank you for reading I appreciate it :green_heart: love from the Ginger Queen

Hey AmyE! I’ll cover a few things you mentioned, but first off, I’m really sorry you had these experiences. Bad (or even meh) sex that isn’t compatible is no fun. Sorry you had to deal with that!

It sounds like you are a thoughtful and gracious host, and you are communicative with partners, which is great! That said, it sounds like date two is not that type of person. They sound kinda lazy, like sure “do whatever you want” can be fun, but with a new partner a little bit of guidance and what someone likes or doesn’t like can go a long way. And the way he responded to the herpes thing was not cool. Even if he was concerned, being reactive is never a good communication method, and he should have calmly chatted with you. And I def. know that feeling of when someone says off-putting things, but then compliments you still. It’s confusing, and it’s a pretty shitty (and lazy) phoning it in move with a person. He sounds like a pretty selfish lover, and honestly not worth your time.

So, penetration. A lot can depend on that. I’m fat, actually what you’d call superfat in the fat positive realm, and sure the shape of my body and where I carry my weight can make some positions more difficult than others to do. But my partner with a penis doesn’t have any problems penetrating me because of my fat, which a lot of it I carry in my lower belly. If someone has a smaller dick, sure, it might be harder to get in closer on any body, and you’d want to adjust and do a different position. But I’ve been on top, on my back, on my side, and no issues with penetration and my weight. So that is def. not the issue.

That said, if you are still concerned or nervous about adjusting positions with your body shape and size, I’d def. check out Curvy Girl Sex by Elle Chase. Elle is awesome and there are tons of great position modifications and tips for fat bodies and sex. On a personal tip, I find my partner can get the deepest penetration if I’m on my knees and he enters me from the back, mainly because he can grab my hips and butt and use those to thrust deeper (that’s true for a lot of folks that aren’t fat too), so that’s my favorite position for my body. I do only do that on a bed with pillows to support my knees, once again just modifying for my body, but it’s a position I find works great for deeper penetration.

I def. don’t think the condom made them cum. Sex made them cum! And if you used toys on their dicks, and they’ve never had that type of stimulation before, I would not be shocked at all if they cam from the change in stimulation. And if you’re feeling a new sensation that feels good in the moment and you ejaculate some, you might not notice because hey, you’re preoccupied with these new toy and new stimulation. So they can act surprised all they want, I def. think it’s more the case of new toy plus sex making them cum some. Some condoms can offer texture or different styles or be thinner to promote more stimulation, but a Skyn Latex Free is pretty basic so def. don’t think it was the condom.

I’m sorry the experience made you feel the negative things you did, and I know from my own relationship with trauma that when you’re numb and in the moment, your brain always goes to saying the most negative things. It’s so hard to reframe those thoughts when you’re in it! But I would remind you old triggers are old triggers for a reason, they are going to want to default back to what they always tell us to do. But, as I’ve learned in recovery, when your body wants to default back to what you know (which is a normal response) but that isn’t serving a positive purpose in your life anymore, you have to remind yourself of that and stop and reframe things. I can tell from your awareness that you know that too. But knowing it doesn’t make it easier to do. It sucks, and it’s a process in recovery and life we have to go through again and again.

But you for sure don’t need to shut up, give your all and only focus on making sure the other person is satisfied. Unless that is a dynamic you want and negotiate with a partner before. You deserve to be vocal about what you need and want (and don’t want and need) when it comes to sex. And your deserve to be satisfied too, whatever that looks like, whether it be an orgasm, just stimulation, aftercare, or just being communicated with the way you need.

And last part of your post, I wouldn’t say that neither of these hook ups couldn’t fuck you. They fucked you. It just doesn’t sound like it was very good sex. Getting fucked isn’t always about finishing, because bodies just don’t always work that way. That said, and I think we’ve mentioned this before in other threads talking (apologies if not), it might be you aren’t going to cum from just penetrative sex alone. That is super common in folks with vaginas. Honestly I can’t cum from penetration only, and most of my friends are the same way. I, and many people, need clitoral stimulation. Whether that be from an attachable toy or a vibrator used in tandem with penetrative sex, or being stimulated before or after to orgasm. I’ve done both (wands are great to use on your clit while being fucked), and honestly I like fucking and all, but at the end I just want my partner to go down on me to make me cum, ha, and they usually do (either before or after we have penetrative sex) and it’s great! I also totally get panicking and telling someone it was great when it wasn’t (been there, done that). Having a partner that already shows they can communicate about sex will make it easier to tell them “hey, I didn’t cum.” It’s hard to communicate that with someone who already isn’t being great with their communication.

And dicks pop out. Or partners think they are in you but they are actually just nestled in with your labia and hitting your clit. Totally common. It can be a variety of reasons, (sometimes a dick will pop out if I try an angle that isn’t working for me, or my partner has their body positioned differently), but the main thing is to just say “hey, missed it, little lower” or “let’s try this instead” because it’s common. Hell, my partner and I had sex last week, it was a bit too wet and slipped up and didn’t actually go in and I had to let him know twice. Because he just didn’t realize it in the moment, it just felt good and soft and wet (as bodies do), so I just had to give him a heads up. And we’ve been together for over a decade. Long story short, bodies can need adjusting from time to time, and it’s just communicating that when needed.

I think give yourself some grace, realize maybe these just weren’t great communicative partners. I know communicating in the moment can be hard, it’s helped for me to vocalize or talk before sex about positions or what I need or things I want to tell them that might come up vs. asking during sex. So that might be more beneficial. But I truly think that some of what you’re talking about here is just unfortunately bad sex. And that just can happen.

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Thank you!!! Yeah I have a lot to work on, and I now know for later dates. I actually talked to a sex wellness educator, and my therapist and you, and I realized I need to slow down and really get to know the person first before having sex.

One thing that sucks is when you said they did have sex with me, it was just bad. The angry trauma part of my brain doesn’t want to believe that was considered sex :joy:. I get you though

I’m happy to hear that other penis owners struggle to insert, even after years of having sex.
I just got grumpy cause like you stated he was lazy and one sided with his pleasure. And I was like “um you’re not in” bit probably said it really annoyingly. it sucked. And it was just crashing and burning from the beginning.

I’m glad it’s not my condoms. Yeah I even suggested to them it was the toy and they got really weird about it.

I usually like slow communication, and then I tried to race that to keep up with the other person, and realized how unhealthy that is for me. And I don’t know what I enjoy form another person yet. Like I know how to make myself cum and feel like a queen I just haven’t had someone do that to me. And I still have trust issues around that. But it’s something to work on.

Again thank you so much for getting back and taking the time to reply :green_heart::green_heart::green_heart: it means a lot. And it doesn’t make me feel so “gross” it makes me feel “normal” reading what you wrote. :raised_hands:t2::green_heart:

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I’m glad you were able to talk it out, and sounds like overall you’re feeling positive about everything after processing things!

I will say this, what “sex” is can vary person to person. It’s all just labels. So just go with what works for you, and try not to feel too much guilt or shame or negative feeling about it (which I 100% get is easier said than done).

And yeah, if they acted weirdly about the toy when you mentioned it, that def. might be more them feeling some sort of way about it. Which is def. a thing because of so many stigmas when it comes to sex toys. But that’s a them thing to work through, and def. not you :slight_smile:

Sex and relationships are so tricky in general, and it’s hard to trust folks and find compatible partners, but it sounds like you are trying and have awareness of what you’re working on and going through, so major kudos for that!