Tips to increase sex drive

I am a woman and my low sex drive is starting to affect my relationship. I have a really hard time getting in the mood and find myself rarely wanting to initiate sex. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. (Especially holistic approaches)


Do you mind sharing in what ways your low sex drive is affecting your relationship? It might help to know what kind of situation you’re dealing with. There’s nothing inherently wrong with having a low sex drive, and no one should pressure you into changing or engaging in activities you’re not comfortable with. It’s okay to not want to have sex! On the other hand, if you are looking to boost your sex drive for your own fulfillment, there’s nothing wrong with that either.

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TW: Sexual assault/abuse
My sex drive used to be normal years ago but since then I’m dealing with sexual trauma from abuse. I’m also undergoing treatment for vulvodynia which makes sex painful. Sex still has a lot of associations with pain for me, despite the fact I’m going through therapy for the above reasons. It’s a journey and I’m still working through a lot of things.

But even masturbation… I don’t really get excited to pleasure myself and only really enjoy it when I’m either very stoned and/or focused enough to arouse myself without porn.

Basically I’m almost never horny. I still have sexual fantasies though. I’m seeking treatment for some deep rooted problems like my trauma I mentioned earlier but I’m looking for more ways to help my lot. I’m into holistic healing and would love to learn more about that approach. Since my assaults, I’ve enjoyed sex less and less with time. I still find myself enjoying it less despite having started treatment. Perhaps I’m being impatient but I just want to start enjoying sex more again.


Oh and I forgot to mention my partner is great and really understanding. They do not pressure me to do sex acts that I don’t want to do and I feel comfortable with them. But they have a high sex drive and find themselves feeling unsatisfied.


Have you tried cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy)? Your therapist may suggest that initially. I’m very happy to hear that you have a supportive partner though.

As far as low libido, there really isn’t anything you can do except therapy. Your low libido is linked to your trauma and if you are unable to heal from that trauma. Talking to your partner may also help. They may even try to research and find ways you 2 can still enjoy sexual pleasure and THAT might turn you on.

I’m so glad to hear that you’re receiving medical treatment and therapy! I haven’t exactly been in your shoes, but I have endometriosis, vaginismus, and PTSD from sexual abuse, so I can relate to dealing with a lot in this regard. I wish there was an easy answer. I used to struggle a lot more than I do now. I’ve made a lot of progress over the years. If I had to give any advice, it would be to remain open to unique avenues for healing. I was stagnant for years, despite all the work I did with 3 therapists, 2 psychiatrists, and countless medications. The biggest thing that jumpstarted my healing was learning about and embracing my BDSM identity. Personally, I was able to make a lot of progress by exploring this major part of me. It was like the more I came into accepting myself as a dom/sadist, the more at ease I was with my sexual trauma. Nowadays, I have a much healthier relationship with my libido, body, and sex life. Of course, this is a super specific scenario! I guess my point is, you can’t always predict where healing may stem from. Have you found anything that makes a positive impact for you?


Tuning in pretty late here just to say that maybe we share some similar experiences re the healing of trauma & learning to reassociate sexual sensations with more positive feelings. I’ll just share that as corny as it might sound, a big discovery for me was when I could masturbate solely for the sense of self-care…like zero percent even entering the realm of imagining engaging in sex acts with others and 100% an inner monologue of like “I love myself and I deserve this pleasure”. I’d say there were maybe a few years where this was the most active/fulfilling part of my sex life and gradually from this stance it became easier for me to transition into sharing this stance with new (and luckily trauma informed) partners. Sending warm wishes ur way!

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I LOVE this! I know it’s self-care, but never thought of it in this mindful sense, love it so much. Thanks for sharing that, yawn!

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