# Safe "Rough/Agressive" Sex Resources **URL:** \ **Category:** Uncategorized\ **Created:** [January 14, 2022, 5:11pm UTC](https://forum.spectrumboutique.com/t/safe-rough-agressive-sex-resources/3781 "2022-01-14T17:11:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jam](https://yyz1.discourse-cdn.com/flex029/user_avatar/forum.spectrumboutique.com/jam/32/861_2.png) [@jam](https://forum.spectrumboutique.com/u/jam)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2022, 5:11pm UTC](https://forum.spectrumboutique.com/t/safe-rough-agressive-sex-resources/3781/1 "2022-01-14T17:11:28Z")
Hey there! My partner of 4 years and I have a lot of sexual compatibility, but recently had a discussion about her interested in exploring more rough/agressive sex which she has had with other partners in the past, and I simply have less experience with. I should say I am mostly a “dom” from a sexual energy perspective. I have dabbled in light BDSM play (bondage, candles, etc.) as well as the standard spanking, etc. during sex,. I would like to know if there are more resources for someone who is a dom, but is looking for more guidence/instruction about how to take that to be more agressive/rough, but still safe. Things like this could include spanking, slapping, spitting, scratching, choking (or rather, safe alternatives), etc… I would also include “dirty talk” since that’s something that might go along with it. Obviously “porn is a resouce”, but I find it difficult to tell the difference between helpful porn and porn that actually _isn’t_ a good representation of what someone would actually want or is sustainable for a relationship. Looking for suggestions on books, sex therapists/workshops, IG accounts, websites, podcasts, anything. I am usually good with instruction and my partner seems very interested in us working on this together, but I have to take the lead here 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LisaW](https://yyz1.discourse-cdn.com/flex029/user_avatar/forum.spectrumboutique.com/lisaw/32/33_2.png) [@LisaW](https://forum.spectrumboutique.com/u/LisaW)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2022, 6:57am UTC](https://forum.spectrumboutique.com/t/safe-rough-agressive-sex-resources/3781/2 "2022-01-25T06:57:23Z")
Hey jam! I love this post so much, all about wanting to get educated and fully invested in exploring new fun with your partner! So, I’ve got a wealth of info, haha, sorry if it’s a bit overload! But I’ve got a few books I’d suggest, some articles from Journal, and then some good folks on social to check out! Books: -[The Ultimate Guide to Kink](https://spectrumboutique.com/the-ultimate-guide-to-kink.html). When they say ultimate, it truly is the massive book of everything kink. If you want a catch-all book, this is a great one to study. -[Topping](https://spectrumboutique.com/the-new-topping-book.html). You mentioned being more dom in your sexual energy. This is a great book to learn how to lean in and channel that part of you. -[As Kinky as You Wanna Be](https://spectrumboutique.com/as-kinky-as-you-wanna-be.html). Another great book that dives into finding out what types of kinks you fancy, along with just some great practical info. -[Playing Well With Others](https://spectrumboutique.com/playing-well-with-others-your-field-guide-to-discovering-exploring-navigating-the-kink-leather-bdsm-communities.html). If you are wanting to get more active in the kink culture and community as a whole, this a great book to start with if that is your jam! -[Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink](https://spectrumboutique.com/wild-side-sex-the-book-of-kink.html). I’m bias because Midori is one of my favorite sex educators, ha. If you are wanting to explore rope play, Midori’s work in general is a must. BDSM Articles to Read: -[How to Engage in BDSM More Safely & Ethically as a Newbie](https://spectrumboutique.com/journal/article/how-to-engage-in-bdsm-more-safely-ethically-as-a-newbie/). This is an awesome newbie guide, written by the amazing Venus Cuffs, who I’d def. [follow on Instagram as well](https://www.instagram.com/venuscuffs/). We also did a [really great chat with Venus and Zoe from Spectrum Boutique](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxPJ0givVqw) and they discuss BDSM during it, def. worth a watch too. -[Floggers and Whips Oh My!](https://spectrumboutique.com/journal/video/floggers-and-whips-oh-my/) Another great Midori watch! -[Intimacy Coordination.](https://spectrumboutique.com/journal/article/intimacy-coordination/) So, this is a really interesting read on being an intimacy coordinator for film and television, but it dives into so many aspects of BDSM, so much about consent and communication. It’s a really great read. -Submissive Feminist also has a [ton of reviews](https://www.submissivefeminist.com/category/reviews/kink-toys/) of kink toys to check out. Folks to Follow: -[Tina Horn](https://www.instagram.com/tinahornsass/) is a BDSM educator and she wrote the piece about intimacy coordination that I linked above. -[Jet Setting Jasmine](https://www.instagram.com/jetsetjasmine/) and [King Noire](https://www.instagram.com/therealkingnoire/). These two are awesome. A must follow. -[Luna Matatas](https://www.instagram.com/lunamatatas/). Luna is an awesome educator (and the OG originator of Peg the Patriarchy) and she does a [really great ongoing series](https://www.instagram.com/p/CZCVOqsg4Od/) on Race and Kink. -[Carly](https://www.instagram.com/makeupandsin/)! She’s the best, you probably have seen her Q&As on our Spectrum Instagram and answering questions here. Follow her on IG and [check out her blog too](https://www.dildoordildont.com/). ---
**Author:** ![LisaW](https://yyz1.discourse-cdn.com/flex029/user_avatar/forum.spectrumboutique.com/lisaw/32/33_2.png) [@LisaW](https://forum.spectrumboutique.com/u/LisaW)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2022, 7:02am UTC](https://forum.spectrumboutique.com/t/safe-rough-agressive-sex-resources/3781/3 "2022-01-25T07:02:04Z")
Also as far as porn goes, I find a lot of queer porn like [Crash Pad](https://crashpadseries.com/queer-porn/) really emphasizes communication and care, and shows a real connection during sex. A lot of the more indie porn producers I feel hit a more realistic note than a lot of mainstream porn. ---
**Author:** ![jam](https://yyz1.discourse-cdn.com/flex029/user_avatar/forum.spectrumboutique.com/jam/32/861_2.png) [@jam](https://forum.spectrumboutique.com/u/jam)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2022, 6:09pm UTC](https://forum.spectrumboutique.com/t/safe-rough-agressive-sex-resources/3781/4 "2022-01-25T18:09:01Z")
Thanks so much for the resources and list @LisaW. I ordered the book on topping (as well as another one and some more lube (can’t ever have too much of that) to make the shipping cost worth it 😂 ), and will check out the other resources you’ve linked too. Much appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![LisaW](https://yyz1.discourse-cdn.com/flex029/user_avatar/forum.spectrumboutique.com/lisaw/32/33_2.png) [@LisaW](https://forum.spectrumboutique.com/u/LisaW)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2022, 12:39am UTC](https://forum.spectrumboutique.com/t/safe-rough-agressive-sex-resources/3781/5 "2022-01-26T00:39:31Z")
You’re welcome! And agree, lube is one of those can never have too much of a good thing, haha.